Ethan: You taste that? It's the sweet, sweet taste of chalk. Are you happy with a Final Four that would make a terrible Disney movie?
Amir: You don't like the cinderella season that Kansas is having as the weakest one seed?
Ethan: I hope that's Bill Self's motivational speech to the players. "Nobody believed in us. Well, they did believe in us. But not as much as they believed in Carolina!"
Amir: It's not Kansas' fault they kept playing lower seeds due to all those upsets. And wouldn't you have rather watched Kansas play Davidson than Wisconsin?
Amir: I haven't seen such zero to hero buzz since Wally Szczerbiak. You think he'll be a good NBA player one day?
Ethan: He can get off a shot, and he shoots really well from outside. At the very worst, he's a thinking-man's Brent Barry without the dunking ability. Which I guess makes him a rich man's Jon Barry. You still think UCLA is winning it all?
Amir: If I had to bet again I would switch to UNC. The Bruins have struggled too much to make me feel secure about picking them. How many more final fours can one team make before being labeled the Buffalo Bills of college basketball?
Ethan: I think four. So does Scott Norwood have a son they could sign for next year?
Amir: Two wide-rights don't make a wrong.
Ethan: Memphis has looked pretty killer, too, and I sort of want to see them dismantle UCLA the way they did Texas, then beat Carolina. Just to see if people were still claiming they were overrated. Look, if you want to impress Billy Packer, you need to win at least seven or eight titles in a row. He's not falling for these flavors of the year. So who's your finals matchup? Carolina and UCLA?
Amir: Isn't that everybody's?
Ethan: I'm starting to like Memphis. If Joey Dorsey can call himself "Joey" when his given name is Richard E. Dorsey, I like his chances against UCLA's front line. He could be the next great Dorsey. Move over, Dorsey Levens and Ken Dorsey.
Amir: And to a lesser extent the Musee d'Orsay in Paris.
Ethan: Too slow to ever make it in the NFL If Carolina wins, though, will Tyler Hansbrough immediately be encased in Lucite to forever preserve his model of perfection for all humanity? The media seems to think yes.
Amir: Carolina is going to retire his height and weight.
Amir: You gotta hand it to Roy Williams. Three years ago he lost all five starters and a sixth man to the NBA, talk about a short turnaround. Gator fans there is hope for you yet!
Ethan: Hope for them yet? They're going to win the NIT this year. That's the coveted back-to-back-to-backdoor triple play. Eat it, Tom Emanski.
Amir: Moving onto a type of basketball where cinderellas are still alive The Atlanta Hawks are back in the playoffs! What are your favorite Hawks playoff memories?
Ethan: That time Grant Long grabbed Duane Ferrell around the throat and a brawl broke out in like 1994. Also, the year the Hawks weren't in the playoffs, so they spent the extra time coming up with their brilliant strategy of drafting Shelden Williams. How long before Donnie Walsh cans Isiah?
Amir: I try not to think about Isiah. It makes my head hurt. Pick two: Denver, Golden State, Dallas.
Ethan: Golden State, Denver. You don't like to think about Isiah? That he publicly said last week Indiana hadn't contacted him about the coaching vacancy is maybe the funniest thing he's ever done. "I don't know. Maybe they lost my number or something. They know I'm a great coach, right? Right?" Like the Tom Crean hire, by the way?
Amir: I think I speak for everybody outside of the midwest when I say, "Whatever."
Ethan: Oh, come on, it's more fun to beat Indiana when they're good. They were the scrappy, obnoxious team before Duke was even Duke. Ready to plunge into a baseball preview?
Amir: It's gotta be August, somewhere!
Ethan: I'm just glad we have Dusty Baker back at the helm of a supposed sleeper team. The Reds have serious holes in their rotation, and they're supposed to contend even with Dusty in charge. His resume even says "Strengths: chewing toothpicks. Weaknesses: managing baseball teams not carried by Barry Bonds." What are you excited for?
Amir: I'm excited to watch Pedro Gomez on ESPN every day desperately asking people if they've seen or heard anything about where Barry Bonds could be. "He's about this tall his head is yay big "
Ethan: I think Pedro and Barry are probably sitting somewhere playing dominos, just waiting for the phone to ring so they can both get back to work. Pick three to make the playoffs: Yankees, Red Sox, Tigers, and Indians.
Amir: Well Yankees and Red Sox make it every year regardless of their record, so that's easy. And I'll go Tigers. Was I right?
Ethan: We'll see in six months. The Tigers seem like the AL version of the Phillies. The offense looks great, they've got a couple of good starters, and then it all goes downhill pretty quickly. Unless Justin Verlander pitches 34 straight complete games, I'm seeing a lot of blown leads. But don't count him out. He's certainly got the awkward facial hair for it. What's going to be this year's trumped-up A-Rod story? The Canseco one?
Amir: He's going to armwrestle Hank Steinbrenner for control of the Yankees' beer concession. I read about it in a MySpace blog.
Ethan: Oh, baseballchica1987, you always break the pressing news. If you could only explain how people think the Mariners are going to win the AL West with Richie Sexson starting at first, I'd send you a friend request. Got an interesting fact this week?
Amir: Interesting fact this week has been bumped for this hilarious story. Enjoy!
Ethan: Until next week, get excited for "One Shining Moment." That song rocks. So. Hard.