Your Campus Police, Translated
I can't register for classes because I owe $200 in parking fees.

Your Girlfriend, Translated
See?  I know a lot about women!  See?

Your Roommate, Translated
I hate living alone.

Your Professor, Translated
I have no idea why I'm failing every class.

Your Food, Translated
I read labels to convince myself I'm eating healthy.

Your RA, Translated
I promise I'll be a cooler RA than this.