The reviews are in! "If they don't put this on the front page, it's because they are illiterate cowards" [name redacted]

Fast food commercial or prostitute's ad
-So tasty you can't put it down
-More meat than our competition
-5 dollar foot long
Lil' Jon on Telemundo

-"¡Esta bien!"
-Daniel Eric Lopez
Signs My Clueless Dad Has Been Reading My CollegeHumor Comments:

-"Hey Son, will you get your laundry out of the dryer? That's what SHE told me to tell you!"
-"It's good to have you back at home for the weekend, Son. Togetherness ffft-wuh"
-"Son, we don't tolerate faggots in this household"
-Happy Happy Happy Man
Politically Correct Sorostitute:

"I'm, like, totally not a slut. I prefer the term 'sexually easygoing'. Gawd."
How To Lose A Guy In 10 Days

Don't put out.
-Josh Carter
Cup Chick's computerless boyfriend tries to get the last word in after a nasty break-up:
"OH, and by the way?? Your breath smells like SHIT."
-Chase Mitchell
A Short Comparison

THAN is bigger than.
-Jesse Gold
Sigmund Freud Tries Standup

So what's the deal with airline boobs? Crap, I mean… what's the dick with airline food? Wait no, I meant… I want to f*ck my mom.
-Kevin Slane
I'm afraid to log in to my email at the library, I'm afraid somebody behind me looking at my monitor will see that my password is seven asterisks.
-Matt Gorman
Dry Humor

"The Sahara Desert covers 3.5 million square miles."
"Well, I'm 85 years old, of course there's going to be some friction."
"I would like some water, please."
-Adam Hrabik
The Right-Wing Absentee Father-to-be

I'm going to name my son Global Warming. That way it will be easier to pretend he doesn't exist.
-Matt Enstrom

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