1. If you have a hole blown through your hand by a bullet a piece of duct tape will serve as a sufficient bandage.
2. If you leave a girl alone with your rapist/murderer brother while you go toget some burgers, she will not be alive when you return.
3. When told by the strip club bouncer only truckers and bikers are allowed,take his advice, chances are the strip club is a vampire den.
4. While the stripper is pouring tequila down her leg into your mouth, you might want to see if she's a vampire.
5. After spending a night being attacked by vampires, if you aren't George Clooney or the daughter of a preacher, you're pretty much fucked.