Ethan: I'm just going to come right out and ask it. Is there anything Candace Parker can't do?

Amir: I wanted to see her wear sweats. If she's going to go for a pajama-based uniform, why not commit?

Ethan: Personally, I think she can probably do a little better than Sheldon Williams now. So many other draft busts are out there; it's time to give Marcus Fizer a try, baby. Do you think Memphis' practices are going to start including free-throw shooting now? Or is John Calipari going to stick with "if it ain't broke, don't fix it?"

Amir: When a team shoots 59% from the line, isn't it mathematically in your favor to foul them on every posession? I think Kansas could have blown them out using my patented Hack-a-Team method.

Ethan: What are you, the ghost of Don Nelson? And don't tell me he's not dead; look at his face.

Amir: Two questions: Is Kansas the best team in college basketball this year? And was that the best NCAA Finals game you've ever personally seen?

Ethan: I liked Kentucky-Arizona in 97 better, but I'm a Kentucky fan. The great thing about this game was that anyone with a brain could tell it was about to turn hilarious because Memphis couldn't shoot free throws.

Amir: Everyone except Billy Packer.

Ethan: I'm hoping Chalmers' shot takes the place of Christian Laettner's on highlight reels now. And yes, Kansas is the best team. How can you disagree?

Amir: I dunno, I just still like Georgia as a sleeper, I guess.

Ethan: Is Bill Self going to get the "security" he wants from Kansas? I mean, he's only making $1.3 million a year. With the dollar weakening, that's barely enough for a studio apartment in Lawrence, KS, right?

Amir: He will. But you know who really needs security? Roy Williams. I dunno if he can ever go back to Chapel Hill after that stunt. My question is: Why no facepaint?

Ethan: Stop it. You'll make him cry. Do you get the feeling that even if it hadn't been Kansas, he still would have just picked a team and become a die-hard fan? Like if the brackets were reversed and Memphis played UCLA for the title, Roy would have been there in full UCLA gear talking about how he's always been a Bruins fan? And what are the odds he owns both a Yankees and a Red Sox cap?

Amir: Or, more accurately, an Orioles and a Blue Jays hat.

Ethan: This is a great time to be an Orioles fan. If they existed, I'm sure they'd be thrilled. The Royals are the real story, though; they're beating up on teams that are supposedly good. How did we get lured in by the Tigers? Everyone knew their pitching was mostly crap, but where's the offense? This can't just be Curtis Granderson, can it?

Amir: Curtis needs to take as much time off as he needs and just dedicate his April to blogging. I don't know if you've read his online journal but it's great. I feel like a third grade teacher reading a book report. He's very geniune and a terrible writer. You can really tell that nobody is helping him with this. It's all Curtis, baby!

Ethan: The Tigers will turn it around eventually, but right now their best reliever is probably Todd Jones. And their second-best reliever is Todd Jones' mustache. They'll start scoring enough that it won't matter, and if things don't work out, hey, there's always the Lions. Kitna's guaranteeing 29 wins this year.

Amir: DEEEETROIT. BAAAASEEBALLLLLL. Doesn't have the same ring to it…

Ethan: Have you figured out who's getting the eighth seed in the West for the NBA playoffs yet? I don't want to go too far out on this limb, but I like what the Grizzlies are putting together here. Only 4-6 over their last 10!

Amir: It's way too close to call. The great thing is, all of those teams have a chance at beating the Hornets, so it's not like this race doesn't matter. I think Dallas probably has the best shot at taking down New Orleans which would be pretty poetic if you think back to last year when they went down as the one seed.

Ethan: Yah, a hobbled Dirk is a regular Lord Byron. You don't think Chris Paul would just destroy Jason Kidd over a series? Paul would beat him like he was Kidd's ex-wife.

Amir: You mean this year's "alledged" MVP? Quick question, when was the last time an MVP candidate scored four points in a basketball game? Because that's what CP3 put up yesterday against Utah.

Ethan: Everybody has a little 2-11 night in them once in a while. He still had 9 assists. It's not like Deron Williams scorched him, either. Sure, he had 16 assists, but also scored 4 points on 2-11 shooting. Who's your MVP, then? Wait, don't tell me! Kobe!

Amir: Kobe isn't just an MVP. He's my MVH: most valuable human. If he doesn't win this year then I'm boycotting the playoffs… unless the Lakers are still in it. Or like… another good matchup. Then I'll keep watching.

Ethan: You could just boycott the Olympics instead. That seems to be popular. Now that Kevin Love is going pro, what do you see him doing in the NBA?

Amir: At 6'10 and 270 he's big and strong enough to play with the big boys. And, according to some videos I've seen, he can also drain 94 footers with some regularity, which is a plus.

Ethan: He'd be my top pick in the NBA Jam draft, although I'd look long and hard at P-Funk. Got an interesting fact for us?

Amir: In four games against the Sonics this year, the Denver Nuggets have averaged 143.25 points per game! Doug Moe would be proud…

Ethan: That's 0.25 points more than the Hornets and Jazz combined for yesterday. Coincidence?

Amir: Hardly.

Ethan: Until next week, get excited for the Masters!


Amir and Ethan run StraightCashHomey.net: A Random Sports Jersey Blog.