Old video game characters are sitting in a circle on metal folding chairs. There's Mega Man, Sonic, Mario, Kirby and others. Kirby moderates the meeting.
Kirby: Hello everyone and welcome to Narcotics Anonymous, I'm glad everyone could come. I see we have some new faces here tonight. Donkey Kong, Bomber Man, glad you could make it. I want you all to share tonight. Everyone here is an addict and shares your pain. For instance I'm a huffer. Huffed everying: glue, paint, bricks but I'm better now. We all could be better, who would like to start?
Mario raises his hand. Kirby gives him the floor.
Mario: Its-a me Mario! And Ima addict. First it started with 'shrooms. They made me feel big powerful. When I could find them I would take psychadelic flowers, and sometimes star shapped acid tabs. They made me feel invincible. One time I stumbled into a pet shop high and killed 12 baby turtles. (sobs) For a while I sold pills to kids. They called me Dr. Mario (breaks down crying) I'ma just a plumber. I wanted to be a hero, to be loved
Sonic: You ain't no hero. I'm a hero.
Kirby: Sonic, wait your turn.
Sonic: Nah, fuck that, man. I'm a god damn enviromentalist! I saved furry animals from robotic cages and defeated a mad scientist! I deserve a reward.
Kirby: What did we say, Sonic? Dr. Robotnik isn't real.
Sonic grumbles to himself and lights a cigarette.
Kirby: Sonic, do you want to tell the group what you're addicted to?
Kirby: Speak up please.
Sonic: Speedballs. I love 'em man speed and heroin, mixed together. I would see rings everywhere, but it was never enough. I just kept running chasing rings.
Kirby: Very good, Sonic. How bout you, Cool Spot?
Cool Spot gives a thumbs up.
Cool Spot: 7up! Cool Spot!
Kirby: Yes, very good. (aside to Bomber Man) Ever since 7up dropped Cool Spot as a marketing character he's fallen on hard times. His brain is fried, he's pretty retarded.
A bit of drool comes out of Cool Spot's mouth. He gives another thumbs up.
Cool Spot: 7up! Cool Spot!
Kirby: Mega Man, would you like to speak before our meeting ends?
Mega Man: Hi, I'm Mega Man. I like Daft Punk. Part robot. I'm a good listener what else? What else?
Kirby: Talk about your addiction.
Meg Man lets out a sigh.
Mega Man: I used to grease myself up with Black Tar Heroin. It got me relaxed. Soon it was all I was doing. The pain of cybernetic surgery would never leave. My wife left me. My friends thought I was a freak. All cause I wanted to save the world. The Heroin helped with the lonliness
Kirby: Well I guess that's it for this week's meeting. I'd like you all to remember Cruisin' USA Driver, who was drunk and crashed his car. His wake will be on Monday at the cathedral in Sim City.