Adam Ruins Everything
Jake and Amir
What 'Road House' Taught Me
April 15, 2008
1. Above all, be nice. If someone calls me a name, be nice. Dalton will let me know when it's time not to be nice.
2. Pain don't hurt.
3. Despite what movies, videogames, professional boxing and the
say, no one ever wins a fight.
4. Shattering a guy's knee is more effective than kicking him in the cajones.
5. Dalton would make a badass Mortal Kombat character with that "throat-ripout finishing move"
6. Extorting money from small town businesses in Missouri will make me rich enough to own a mansion, helicopter, and, most importantly, a monster truck.
7. Don't marry an ugly woman. It takes the energy right out of you. Marry rich so the kids don't rickets.
8. Dalton was lucky to leave his first gig at the beginning of the movie. I heard the band later became vampires.
9. A stuffed polar bear is a good bullet shield and effective at immobilizing fat people, who are naturally afraid of bears, the color white and taxidermy.
10. A good way to end a movie is to have the main character romp a hot chick in the local watering hole.
what movies teach me
We like you. Do you like us too?
Don't ask me again.