Why are you so droopy? Come on, pep up!
Uh -oh, looking discolored. Looks like someone got too much sun.
Oh no, is that supposed to fall off like that?
Are you acting this way because it's so dry?
Are you suicidal? Is that it, is that the problem?
I'm trying to keep it moist, but not saturated, okay?! It's not easy!
Here, you need a little acid? Will that help?
Grow baby, why won't you grow?!
I've tried it in the bathroom, in the bedroom, in the living room, outside in the rain, nothing works!
I hate you, you temperamental assh*le!
I'm not treating your fungus! You're not worth it!