So you think your undergrad-assigned roommate may be a Mossad agent? Here are a few tips to help you decide:
1. She knew your blood type before you ever even met.
2. Her "cool party gag" is disassembling your laptop in less than 25 seconds.
3. She fashions an Uzi out of the heap of disassembled laptop parts.
4. She does that trick where she ties a cherry-stem into a knot using only her tongue. Except when she does it, the stem becomes an Uzi.
5. A week into your first semester, the school's German-studies program is suspended after it's uncovered that half the professors are Nazi war-criminals. *Bonus points if after hearing about this you confront her in your dorm room and she looks at you with that "I have no idea what your talking about" face.
6. An annoying drunk dude hits on her at a party and she paralyzes him using only three pimento olives.
7. She uses the olives to assemble an Uzi.
8. Her cell rings at 4 am on consecutive nights. You ask who it is. She replies, "oh, it's just that asshole Michael Chertoff again."
9. She has perfect 20/20 vision and can detect small mammal movement at 50 yards. Blindfolded.
10. She read this article. Before I wrote it.