Turning Tuesdays into Fundays!

If there's one thing I've learned about women, it's that they can't stand peeing.
I was driving one day and I saw that someone spray painted "Thug For Life" across a bridge. Naturally, my grandparents thought it was a deplorable act, because they believe in the woman's right to choose.
When I was a kid my dad always tried to live vicariously through me. It sure wasn't easy being the only nine year old in my class who was bangin' his father's secretary.
Examples of Tommy Lee Jones and the US Judicial System being wrong.
1. The Fugitive
2. U.S. Marshals
3. Double Jeopardy
1st degree burn: redness, pain at site of injury
2nd degree burn: superficial blistering
Liberal arts degree burn: have fun working at Costco!
Out of sight, out of mind. That's just mean, since I don't think ALL blind people crazy.
Tastier Foods Served at the Last Supper that I Would Happily Receive at Sunday Mass, Had Christ Chosen to Turn Them Into His Body Instead of Bread
1. Roasted lamb
2. Pomegranate
3. Fried fish
4. Grapes
5. Double Stuf Oreos
Richard Simmons' Senior Citizen Workout Tapes
-Sweatin' to Miles Davis
-Sweatin' to the Golden Girls theme
-Defecatin' to the Oldies
-Remembrin' your grandkids' names
My grandfather always told me dime is money. He was full of obvious advice.
Analogies
If being gay were like bad action movies from the late '90s, Ryan Seacrest would be a Steven Seagal flick