Last week I was fortunate enough to be invited to a very exclusive press conference held by Dr. Pepper (other notable attendees included Mr. PiBB, Dr. X, and James Lipton), in which they unveiled to us a secret they've been guarding for years: the 23 mystery flavors used in Dr. Pepper. We were trusted with this information that day, and I have decided to betray their trust today for your education. So without further ado, the 23 flavors of Dr. Pepper:

1. Cherry

2. Artificial cherry

3. Vanilla

4. Cola

5. Granny Smith apple

6. Grandpa Smith apple

7. Grandpa Smith's Adam's apple

8. Rhinoceros meat

9. Rhinoceros horn

10. Rhinoceros urine

11. Rhinoceros urine after an unnecessary dialysis session

12. Jesus tears

13. Chocolate

14. Chocolate chip cookie dough ice cream

15. Rain water

16. Rainn Wilson

17. AstroGlide

18. Smuckers

19. Mercury

20. Venus

21. Legos


23. A joke that should've ended 12 flavors ago