Disclaimer- Everything to follow this is completely satirical. It is not meant for anyone to catch feelings. These comments are childish, immature, and nonfactual.

I live on Long Island which is the greatest place in the history of just…places.

Right next to Hugh Hefners house. That place rules. You ever wonder how many people were impregnated there?

Then aborted the next week?


However, nothing can compare to…Long Island. I have had people tell me that California is better than Long Island but hey, we just cannot Ghost Ride the whip.

Or, Go Stupid.

Shit, we walk properly. Screw the Hyphy movement.

But, the one thing I have noticed, is how the people that live in the 5 Boroughs, really do not know how Long Island as a whole > Brooklyn, Queens, Staten Island (smells like poop), Manhattan, Bronx (lean back).

Yes. Now, since I am writing this like a term paper I obviously need reasons so here we go –

Screw Metrocards
You never know how much money is on these things. I mean, if you think about it when going on a date with a girl, you "swipe them in". That is hilarious. Mass Transit smells and I do not like sitting next to the Rasta asking for change on the subway.

See? In Long Island, we have cars because the bus is cool, but it will not get you everywhere.

We do not swipe people in because we can just pick them up.

Gas Money? That is the currency that flows through our veins.

Soho is probably the hang out for every high school in the city

You ever go there with someone?

It is like going to a high school reuninon. It is honestly hilarious. Everyone in the city meets in the same area and shops at the same stores. I mean this is probably what Roosevelt Field Mall is like to us, but not for the entire Island. If you live in Riverhead, you are not going to Roosevelt Field Mall.

But if you live on the edge of Queens, you will travel to Soho just to…hang out.

No. I do not like being around many, many, multicolored people at many times in the day.

Also in Long Island sometimes a Friday night will ensue going down to the beach/parking lot/friends house etc and getting inebriated. In the city? Soho. (Intense Over-Generlization)

The city has like its own…lifestyle?

Yes. Lifestyle. I mean the magnitude of the house party is not as…interesting as one on Long Island. Maybe it varies between where you live and how you do things indivually and who you hang out with, but I have been to all kinds of house parties and the ones on Long Island are marginally better.

The ones that involve extreme drinking are way better because the cops do not break it up as much as a party in the city would be broken up. The ones that involve dancing do not always end in fights.


I love Long Island.