Craig, I'm a young man who grew up on a farm in Travis County. Being so far away from the rest of the world made it difficult to find love, I mostly kept to myself and tended to my family (they're a little dysfunctional). Little did I know that would change. It was one of those beautiful summer days, I was milking old bessy. A young city slicker with the most beautiful blue eyes and luscious dark brown hair came up to my side. She gave me quite a startle, but her soft voice quickly put me in a state of euphoria. She explained how she was having car troubles and that she needed to use a phone. I led her inside while trying to make conversation, asking her where she was from, where she was going. I wanted to get her out of the house as quickly as possible seeing as my parents and mostly my brother, tend to ruin things for me. Unfortunately, like usual, my father heard footsteps in the house and greeted this girl by calling her a bitch from his wheelchair. I told her to not mind him, that he lost his mind ages ago; I was now starting to rush her out of the house. Too late, I could hear my brother's heavy footsteps walking up the stairs from the basement. He knew someone was in the house, the rest was going to be inevitable. Therefore, I decided to give her a heads up:
"Alright hun, this is whats going to happen in the next hour and a half 2 hours. You're going to get weirded out by my family and decide to leave. But now you're screwed because your car doesn't work and theres no cell phone reception out here. One of your dumb ass friends in the car is going to decide to come back to the house and never come back. You, being unusually brave for a typical 19 year old cheerleader type girl, will come back to the house with your hubby while the dumb blond stays in the car alone. You'll walk into the house, notice blood all over the walls and run back to the car where you'll find your friend with her airhead cut off. This is when you'll freak out, scream, cry, only helping the guy who did it find you. You will then run off with your jock boyfriend after some guy with a bag on his head and a chainsaw jumps out of nowhere and scares the shit out of you and the audience."
"Shut up! I'm trying to save you. Anyways, you will both run off to some sketchy building you find, rather then just hide in the forest. Seriously, it's huge, how in hells name would he find you in there. None the less, there you are in the building hiding behind some plank of wood or something and in comes the maniac with his chainsaw. How did he catch up to you even though he only walks? No clue. How does he know that you're in the building and takes his time searching everywhere when you could be in that giant forest? I guess hes just really good. So, you're boyfriend is going to sacrifice himself by trying to fight this beastly man so that you can escape. Instead of leaving right away, you'll witness his horrible death involving a complete mutilation of his body. Then you'll hide somewhere else and obviously he'll find you. You'll hit him with a 2×4 and run back to the house you started off in for god knows what reason I guess to use the phone again? You could have cut the monster's head off with the chainsaw to make sure he was dead, but I guess you'll be too busy being retarded. You'll notice the phone doesn't work and my brother will arrive back at the house with your boyfriend's corpse. You'll decide to hide in the basement, another bright idea, where you'll find all sorts of dismantled bodies. You'll crouch under something where you can easily see what's going on in the room. My bro will proceed to cut up your boyfriend while you try not to scream. Just look away retard! He'll leave and you'll get out of the house only to have him pop up again and scare the shit out of you. You'll find a gun or a machete and deal him the final blow that finally seems to stop him in his tracks. You'll then find a car and you'll be saved. Or will you, you'll go back to the crime scene with cops and his body will no longer be there dun dun DUN!!! Yup, that's exactly what going to happen."
I guess she got creeped out and ran to her car, I don't need to explain the rest. Anyways if you read this hun come for visit, actually I'll go to your place next time.
PS. Forgot to say at some point, the blond showed her tits.