Private Kyle Reese walks into a dark room, where leader John Connor sits with his boots up on a table. Reese grumbles and salutes
John Connor: "At ease, Private. Listen, I wanted to speak to you about the intense training going on to toughen up the lesser ranks such as yourself."
Kyle Reese: "Toughen up the lesser ranks?"
John Connor: "Now I know that to you, some of my methods may seem unorthodox, but I assure you that my only goal is to man up the strongest army imaginable so together we can bring down the machines and reclaim a future for all of humanity."
Kyle Reese: "Sir, you grabbed me by the groin and collar, then shoved me face first into the communal latrine and gave me a swirley in front of all the resistance recruits."
John Connor: "Well yeah, but I mean I'm not doing this for fun I mean, I'm the destined leader of this war, and putting my own soldiers through hell to give them the extra toughness required to stay on top is only a small price to pay for the resu-"
Kyle Reese: "You were shouting the entire time 'Look everyone! This is completely for fun and is no way involved with the war, take it you dirty, dirty greenhorn'"
John Connor: "Kinda splitting hairs, don't you think?"
Kyle Reese: "I've had it with this damned resistance."
Reese gets up to leave
Connor: "Look, we're getting off track. Here, take it easy and have a cigar"
Reese sits back down
Connor: "Let's let by-gones be by-gones, deal?"
Reese: " Deal"
Connor: "Great. Now listen, this is really what I wanted to speak to you about. This is going to sound way out of left field, but I need you to be the one who goes back in time using the technology we've gotten our hands on so you can protect and um ensure the safety of everyone's future."
Reese: "What was that?"
Connor: "It's insane I know, but true. The machines have developed time traveling tech and right now are sending a Terminator back to 1984 to assassinate my mother, Sarah Conn-"
Reese: "So basically what you're asking me is, to go back in time and plow your mom?"
Connor: "No no I need you to go back and PROTECT her from getting killed by the Termina-"
Reese: "Yeah, the guy who gets sent back to 1984 ends up inadvertently creating you with your mother while protecting her from the Terminator."
Connor is speechless
Reese: "You blurted it out when you got drunk after the skirmish last week to protect the ammunition stockade."
Connor: "Well .I mean I'm choosing YOU because I've recognized your skill and quick-thinking on the battlefield."
Reese: "Yeah, OR because you finally remembered that the person you sent back was named Kyle Reese."
Connor: "Look that's besides the point. It's not like I haven't known your name this whole time."
Reese: "Really? What about just this morning during inspection while you were scrubbing your taint with my toothbrush and and twisting my nipples when you realized that my dog-tag read KYLE REESE, causing you to instantly freeze, then run out of the room."
Connor: " look, this is serious, Private."
Reese: "I'm sorry, did you say Private? or Sergeant."
Connor: " Sergeant Reese, this is serious business, and time is a factor here. Here, this is a photo of Sarah Connor. You need to commit this to memory so when you get sent through the-"
Reese: " "
Connor: "Is something wrong?"
Reese: "Do you Do you have any others? Something with softer lighting maybe? I dunno."
Connor: "Why? What's wrong with that one?"
Reese: "Nothing. I just you're SURE she's into men."
Connor: stares "Look, just commit it to memory. We have enough power for only one time jump; go back to 1984, locate the primary objective, and eliminate the Termi-"
Reese: "Go back and rail your mom. Right, got it."
-Props go to Chase Mitchell, who lent personal assistance on this one. Also, he threatened me!-