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I had a suitemate last year who thought it would be funny to sneak up on me, while I was sleeping, and shave off a lot of my hair. To get him back I didn't want to repeat the same gag so, being a chemistry major, I got a little bit of lye from the lab and put it in his new shampoo. WHO IS BALD AND HAS A RASH ON HIS HEAD NOW?!?!?!

Tyler W., OSU

Freshman year, there were six of us living in a 3 bedroom suite. One of the six was a 350 pound fat ass who thought that showering was a once every other week type thing, while staying up all night downloading kiddie and animal porn was normal. He was loud, dumb, obnoxious and he smelled terrible. One night when he wasn't there, a friend of mine from down the hall went into his room, removed the mattress on his bed and just started jumping on the wooden bed frame, until he went crashing through it and created a good sized hole, that was about 18 inches long and 10 inches wide. We threw the mattress on the bed and decided to let the fat ass deal with it. When he came home he laid down on his bed on his stomach and you could tell that he was sinking. We let this go for a couple of days until he asked me if it looked like he was sinking into his bed. When I said yes, he got up, lifted up his mattress and saw the giant hole. We told him that he came home one night drunk and he jumped on his bed and he must have broken it. He believed us, put the mattress back on and went back to downloading porn.
Rob, Pitt

My roomate finds it hard to just run the water for 3 seconds when he spits into the sink, so after a few weeks of waking up to find dried on toothpaste and lugies, I started using his toothbrush to scrub them off.
Steve, School Not Given

Last year my roommate was a total lame ass. He used to unexpectedly bring his mom by. One day he brought her by on a Sunday morning when we were all hungover in our boxers with beer cans laying everywhere. After that he came back in an told us his mom said we couldn't drink in the dorm anymore or he would tell on us. The next time we herd he had breakfast with his mom, we slipped a bunch of Everclear into his juice in the morning an he got in trouble with his mom for coming to breakfast drunk, she made him move back home… and we kept drinking in the dorm.
Ryan, School Not Given

My roommate freshman year was disgusting in so many ways that I really don't feel so bad about this. One week I got the flu and was pretty sick all week. While doing my homework one night alone in our room I was horrified when I sharted. I was in such disbelief that I had to check and so I reached in my pants only to discover that I had sharted quite terribly and whipped my hand out fast only to fling the shit that was on my hand all over your bed. I attempted to clean up, but just barely got it all. I felt pretty satisfied about it later on when you let the dead fish and bait sit in our fridge during your ice fishing and you left the dead deer head in our room for a month.
Ralph, University of Wisconsin—Platteville

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