Adam Ruins Everything
Jake and Amir
College in the Year 3008
May 29, 2008
A Friday night, three roommates get ready for an end of the year party at their house.
Joe: Hey you guys, I got winner in Madden. But you gotta put the visors down for a sec so we can figure out who's getting what for the party.
Dave: My teleporter is in the shop, so we'll have to take the VacuTube.
Joe: Ahh damn. I hate taking the tubes. They stink like homeless people, and the drivers are creepy. Ah well.. for the party, we gotta get some Fiber VitaCrisps and the pressurized beer bag.
Dave: And with the VitaCrisps, make sure we get Permafrost Ranch and Nacho GoogolCheese. I am ready to seriously nom.
Morgolflam: Umm wait guys.. none of us have ID. How are we going to get the beer legally?
Joe turns to Dave
: God, why did we even let this guy live with us? I thought foreign students were always pretty cool, but he can be a real swidster sometimes.
Dave: Yeah, well, he's really gullible, so I've got him paying half of the rent. He'll be fine.
They turn back
Joe: Alright, Flam, we're gonna have to go over the border and sneak the beer back.
Morgolflam: Aw man, you mean we have to take a tube all the way to the moon? That'll be at least a 20 minute ride!
Joe: Yeah, Flam, it'll take a little longer but at least we'll have it. Plus I need it to de-stress tonight rhombo hard. I really messed up that exam yesterday. My parents are going to be pissed.
Dave: Why don't you just rent a time machine? I mean, your school has an honor code. They don't even have causality detectors in the rooms. It's lamesauce. If anyone tried it in my classes they'd be screwed.
Joe: Yeah, well, I don't have the 200,000 ameros laying around to rent one. Plus time travel never ends up working. Did you hear about Jake Grenson? He went back to try to stop his girlfriend from breaking up with him, and ended up getting in a fight with his other self out of jealousy. Let's just say I helped her get over both of them..
Dave: Haha oh yeah.
Morgolflam: Yes! Way to go dudester! You're a total rebvebber! Up top!
Joe: Umm.. yeah, Flam.. the double fisted crosswham went out in 2850.
Morgolflam: Oh. Yeah. Totally. Anyway.. I'm putting in for the VitaCrisps. Here's 400 ameros. That should cover it. And did I tell you guys I invited a bunch of chicks from my hometown?
Dave: Really? Nice going Flam, that's actually fairly krempin' of you.
Morgolflam: Yeah! I'm krempin'. Totally. Let me warn you, these girls are pretty febrific, and it's the first time they've ever been here. Have you guys been with a girl from Io before?
Dave: I was once, and let me tell you guys you have never done anything until you've hoverboated Iotan octoboob.
Morgolflam: You rebvebberrrrrr. Crosswham me!
We like you. Do you like us too?
Don't ask me again.