Hey guys, remember me? I know Spence left some big shoes to fill, but I'm gonna do my best to deliver a concise weekly breakdown of the happenings in Gossiptown, USA. You know, just in case you were interested in that kind of stuff but were too ashamed to visit an actual gossip site (ahem, I'm looking at you, EVERYONE).
Break it down, now.
Bill Murray's wife has filed for divorce, accusing him of being abusive during their ten year marriage. Which I completely understand. I mean, he did make Garfield. (WWTDD)
Ashlee Simpson is pregnant! No? No one's surprised? Oh ok, just Joe Simpson, who quickly attempted to cover up his horrified reaction by claiming 'dibs' on the placenta. (DListed)
One of the guys from CSI was busted recently in possession of heroin, cocaine, ecstasy AND prescription drugs. And just like on the show, the charges were soon dropped because the perpetrator was kind of famous. CSI:Preferential Treatment, here we come! (WWTDD)
A paparazzi photographer looking for a good crotch shot of Amy Winehouse got more than he bargained for this weekend. He got a fucking adult diaper. Because I think we all know what a buzzkill it is to stand up and walk to the bathroom. (CelebSlam)
And while we're at it, Pamela Anderson flashed some crotch this week at some party too. Is it just me, or did you guys expect a little more? Is that weird to say? (Hollywood Tuna)
Two new slutty Miley Cyrus pictures have leaked onto the internet. I swear this girl is like 2 steps away from leaking a sex tape. Which when you're 15 I guess mostly consists of awkward blow jobs and hand-holding. Sign me UP. (Egotastic)
Ummm. I'm pretty sure Kim Kardashian's ass has become self-aware. (Egotastic)
Angie and Brad bought a $60 million dollar estate in France. So. What did you do this week? (WWTDD)
Hey, remember that cute little girl from 7th Heaven? The one with curls like Shirley Temple? Well here she is making out with a chick in her underwear. I can't wait to show these to my mom and crush every single one of her dreams. (Egotastic)
And here are a bunch of pictures from Maxim's 2008 Hot 100 party, otherwise known as the Great Annual Spank Bank Convention. (Hollywood Tuna)
This is the woman Shania Twain's husband cheated with. I'm gonna save everyone the trouble and just go ahead and declare him legally insane, cool? (IDLYITW)
Want to buy Shia LaBeouf's underwear? Well now you can. Although I would be more comfortable with this whole thing if they didn't come 'as is.' (DListed)
Last but not least, it is my greatest honor to introduce a new feature of this column, a feature that I like to call 'STILL GOT IT!' This week's honoree, Clint Eastwood. (CelebSlam)