Adam Ruins Everything
Jake and Amir
CollegeHumor Movie Review: Sex and the City
June 1, 2008
The Dark Knight
out yet? No? Bah. Anyway, out this weekend in theaters everywhere is
Sex and the City
, the big screen continuation of the award winning
series. The show is one of those things that no one is on the fence about; either you're a faithful fan or you really just couldn't care less about any of it. Regardless of whether you love it or you hate it, it's hard to not notice the impact it's made on society (
especially when you read stories like this!
if you do not care about the plot of the movie, skip this paragraph].
Let's be clear for a minute I have literally never seen one minute of the show. Despite this fact, the plot of the movie was incredibly, incredibly easy to predict. The film stars Samantha Jones (
), Charlotte York (
), Miranda Hobbes (
), and Carrie Bradshaw (
Sarah Jessica Parker
) as 4 fashion loving women carrying on their lives from where the show apparently left off. While they're all dealing with the big changes in their lives, Carrie, the narrator, and her guyfriend 'Mr. Big' have made plans to tie the knot. Of course, things go horribly wrong: the wedding doesn't go down, and each girl has to deal with a large personal problem of their own.
I have no problem whatsoever admitting that I cannot get into this movie for the sole reason that
Sarah Jessica Parker
looks like an ultimate fighter who's been in the ring for 47 rounds. I'd rather have a threesome with Renee Zellweger, the Quaker Oatmeal guy, and a cactus than see her get naked onscreen. Fortunately, she never does. I'm not trying to be mean, but having a show based on 4 fashion/sex obsessed women, you'd at least expect the lead to be somewhat attractive, right? If you like the 'clever' thing she has going on, it may be easier for you to watch, but to me it came off as kind of annoying.
Now now, I know Sarah Jessica Parker has an impressive acting resume and has done plenty of other great roles which we could discuss, but instead of listing them here, I thought it'd be more fun to
link a video of her convulsing in the background while Bette Midler sings 'I Put a Spell on You' from Hocus Pocus.
If you loved the show, there's no contest you'll love this movie: there's plenty of drama, 'awwww' moments, romance and friendship. If you've been dragged along for some reason to seeing this against your will, I really hope you brought either a trash bag full of popcorn, or at least some
's because damn is this movie long. Cheer up big guy Your girlfriend may own your 2 boys in a jar at home, but at least there's a pube joke and a scene where one of the women shits her pants to keep you from total depression.
The bottom line:
Odds are if you're a gigantic fan of the series, you've probably gone with your bff's to see this one already, and if you haven't, you should. If this show has never,
appealed to you, then you have no business being anywhere remotely near a movie theater, even if they're passing out free money. Seriously, unless you are earning gigantic bonus points towards your girlfriend for running over her cat, taking out a new girl to show her your sensitive side with hopes of guaranteed porno-level action later, or have lost a bet, your man-card will be suspended for seeing this movie until you've done
one of the following:
- Bench press 400lbs
- Eat three 17 ounce steaks
- Take on a gang of Ninjas
- Finish a full keg by yourself in 7 minutes
Until next time!
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