In a dark alley, the police surround a body with yellow tape. Two detectives approach.


Kermit the Frog:
What do we got people?

Fozzie Bear:
Looks like we have one dead hooker. John must have wanted a refund.

Kermit:
Of course, another Grand Theft Auto related homicide. Do we have an I.D. on this one?

Fozzie:
You sure you want to know?
(Kermit nods.)
It's Piggy, Kermit. Wocka Wocka.

Kermit:
What? I just talked to her a week ago…

Fozzie:
Turns out after you dumped her, she started turning tricks. Not bad either, er, so I heard.

Kermit:
But she had all those Muppet Babies at home. What a shame. Ah, well, at least I won't be getting anymore calls at 4 in the morning. Crazy bitch.

Fozzie:
Let's get Honeydew over here. Bunsen! Get over here you melon-headed freak. And bring that thing with you. The one who can't talk but is somehow our leading CSI investigator.

Dr. Bunsen Honeydew:
Gentlemen, my assistant Beaker says he found a hair.

Beaker:
Meep, meep.

Bunsen:
I know, I told them! Get back to the lab before I beat you even harder! Oh, here's the hair.
(Holds up large, blue, hair.)

Kermit:
Oh, Jesus. I think I know where that hair came from.

Fozzie:
You don't think it was him do you?

From an apartment balcony

Statler:
You damn pigs! This is the worst investigation I've ever seen! I already know who did it.

Waldorf:
You know who did it?

Statler:
Yeah it was…oh who was it again? I forget now. Damn senility

Both:
BAHAHAHAHAAHAHA!

Hours later, back at the precinct.
Kermit and Fozzie enter the interrogation room. Handcuffed to the table is the suspect.

Fozzie:
Want to hear a funny joke? It's about a john who got a little to friendly with his whore and killed her!……….Wocka Wocka.

Kermit:
We know you did it, just admit it. There is DNA evidence that places you at the scene of the crime, so just fess up and we'll go easy on you. Confess Gonzo!

Gonzo:
Gonzo the Great didn't mean to kill her! It was that damn trumpet. You know how it is, I can't play the damn thing without something going wrong. This time a bullet came out and killed that sweet Pig. That's right I loved her! More than you can ever say you green bastard!

Kermit:
Take him away. C'mon Fozzie let's go get a drink. That half bird, half alien, thing, won't be killing anymore hookers for at least 8-10 years.

Sam the Eagle:
Officers are not permitted to drink on the job Kermit, it is forbidden by section…

Kermit:
Shut up Sam, we all know your a recovering alchoholic; so back off you drunk asshole! Damn it! It never gets any easier!
(Breaks down crying)
Piggy! I miss you! Ohhh God…..

Fozzie:
…….Wocka Wocka, let's get bombed. I hear there's some good bars down at Fraggle Rock.