I wanted to write about something that I have a decent amount of experience with. Aside from masturbation and the movie Willow, the only other thing that I know are videogames. So, that being the case, I decided to do some investigation. I wanted to know what a sampling of Xbox Live Gamertag's would show not only about the people playing video games these days, but the direction of the video game industry as a whole. That being said, I have broken this down into a few categories, enjoy.

(p.s., these Gamertags are fictional, I am joking, it is satire.)

Drug/Alcohol Related:

Perhaps the most popular of all Gamertag categories is the Drug/Alcohol variety. What I mean by this are the people that insist on letting you know that they love to drink, they love to smoke, and fuck…they love to game. Upon entering a game, they will always tell you: "Damn, I am so high." or "Me and my bro's been drinkin' all night, you fags, now I'm gonna kick your asses." Without further delay, here are some examples.




xXx Cirrhosis of da Liver xXx


Fantasy, Fantasy, Fantasy:

Though perhaps not as popular as the drug related names, these are probably my favorite. The fantasy names are the best because they seem to follow a formula that ever nerd uses. The formula seems to dictate that their gamertags have some completely outlandish adjective that describes a mind-blowingly fantasy weapon, place, person, whatever. What it adds up to is usually a mess and it really ends up meaning nothing, except comedy for anyone who is willing and ready to laugh at these dorks. Or, they will just overwhelm with an exceedingly nerdy, long, technical, gross name in general.

h4t3ful dr4g0nfl4m3

Golden Sword of Destiny and Destruction Wielded Atop Theajestic‚eauty of a Flame Dragon




Personal ASSAULT:

These guys are the classiest. Their names are an assault towards anyone who reads them, and basically to themselves as well. I am talking about the people who join the game and immediately start talking shit, but they don't even have to, their name already does it for them.


Sm1le 4 My M0ntage



I H8 U

Utterly Offensive:

These are the names that are truly vile. They are the kind of names that get you suspended or banned from Xbox Live, and they have also been the catalyst for my two suspensions from Xbox Live. Anyway, they are the bottom of the barrel.


F3cal Behemoth69

(2g1c)Lllllemon Partay

Cumguzzler 3000


Of course, there are some regular names out there, but that is no fun for us. Please post any other names that you think would be fitting, as I surely have just scratched the surface. That is all for now, and remember, when you make your gamertag, set out to offend, out-nerd, out-skill, or simply disgust anyone who will be viewing it.