RecentlyI've kept a notebook next to my bed with a little reading light and a pen. Theidea was to write down any ideas that come to me while I'm sleeping so that Ican remember them in the morning.

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Afterabout 3 weeks of doing it this is what I've got down so far. It's not in anyparticular order and the ideas weren't for anything specific, just things thatI thought was funny.

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Theysaid to keep a pen and paper next to your bed so you can write down ideas thatyou would normally forget in your sleep. The only thing I have come up with isthat bad handwriting and jokes are made worse when made in the dark.

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Ilike to listen to my Ipod when I sleep. I just put I on shuffle and drift off.The only problem I find is that like to get ringbones of my favorite songs formy cell phone. So late at night when a song comes up on the shuffle I will tryto answer my phone. Then when no one answers I think I must have missed a callso I just my recent call list and call back the last person I talked to andthen yell at them for waking me up.

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Iget nervous that I might get to bland. Like if I were to be in a movie I'd bethe guy that gets out of his car to stare at the sky. (Not really sure what Imeant for that one)

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Ilove quoting things. I like to quote movies and other comedians. I also like tohang out with people who don't watch any T.V. or movies so that they think whatI say is original and that I'm funny. And the best part is that if I ever getcaught I can just say, "Oh so you like that movie too. Sweet."

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TapDancing American Idol (I was in tears I was laughing so hard when I thought ofthis one)

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Ihate the sound of my own voice. And I know a lot of people say that. And I justthink that's rude.

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Gotto keep in shape. I've been trying this new thing called, um, steroids.

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Ilove sleeping in girl's and British guy's beds. And it's not a sex thing oranything. I'd much rather prefer they were not there. What I love is how cleantheir beds are. When I make billions of dollars I plan to sleep in a differentgirl or British guy's bed every night.

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Ican't figure out writing papers for school.I write one where everything is justified with samples fromthe text and I am told that I am summarizing. I write a paper with no examplesand I'm too vague. I write a good paper and I'm plagiarizing. Can't win.

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Itook an acting class and about half way through we were all given monologues tolearn and perform. The teacher said that she chose our monologues based on ourpersonalities and whom she thought we would relate to. I was Charlie Brown. Andthe other thing that was weird was that everyone got really bleak anddepressing monologues of like people dieing or hard break ups. After a while ofthis a student said that someone should do a funny one to kind of brighten upthe class. The teacher chose me to do mine. Now I don't know what Charlie Brownspecials they all were watching while growing up but the ones I was used to hewas always bleak and depressing. That was a lot of goddamn pressure on me to allof a sudden be funny with material that I always read as being a downer.

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Iwork in customer service. One time I had to tell a customer "I'm really sorryabout that," and the customer said, "You don't sound like you are sorry. I don'tbelieve you." So I said, "Well I am sorry about that too I guess."

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Beingthe DD is bad. Especially when there was some kind of disaster that ishappening like a tornado or an earthquake. Cause everyone else will be laughingand you'll be the only one freaking out.

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BrokebackMountain was by far the weirdest chick flick movie I have ever seen. The twoguys are up there kissing in an ever too tender embrace and then yourgirlfriend will look over at you with that "that's so hot I wanna make out"look. I'm thinking "This? This is what is getting you in a mood?" Why can't sheget turned on when it's two girls making out? Then everybody wins.

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Ialways feel bad for my roommates cause I will wake up in the morning and turnon the T.V. and realize that last night I was watching T.V. with the volumeblasting.