So good it's not even funny.

I ran into a friend yesterday and he asked me to help him move, but I didn't feel like it so I said I had other plans. I just hope for his sake someone said yes and he isn't still in the middle of road, sitting in his wheelchair.
How do I love thee? Let me count the ways. One. The regular way.
The worst part about being home for the summer is that my parents constantly harass me about using drugs, even though I already explained that I can't get them any until my friend comes back from vacation.
My impression of a GPS system on a NASCAR dashboard.
GO LEFT.
GO LEFT.
GO LEFT.
GO LEFT.
Boyfriend and Girlfriend Discuss "Sex and the City"
Boyfriend: Why are you and your friends so obsessed with "Sex and the City?"
Girlfriend: Because the characters are just like us!
Boyfriend: Like the fact that only one of you is kind of attractive?
Increasingly Inappropriate Things For A Grown Man To Obsess Over
-Musicals
-High School Musical
-High school musicals
-High schools
The Schoolyard Philosopher
"Can God make a rock so big that even He can't cover it with Paper?"
Since "The Rock" Is Going By "Dwayne Johnson" Now…
-"You Dwayne Johnson my world!" -Michael Jackson
-"We will, we will Dwayne Johnson you!" -Queen
-"Welcome to the Dwayne Johnson!" -Sean Connery