Dearest Hillary,There are only two things I can't stop thinking of: global warming, and you. Iwant to confess like a water-boarded detainee I love you. We are enemies ofthe vast right wing conspiracy detained at the Guantanamo of our passion. This secret is myreal inconvenient truth. When I think of you I am inspired to do so manynew things, such as wear a bright shirt, or leave a light on overnight. Weshare so much, you and I: we both lost the presidency just when it was almostin our grasp, we both have worked so hard to protect the environment, and, mostimportantly, we have both pretended to sleep with your husband. Why can't you leave your pantsuits behind and join me in Nobelly peacefulseclusion? We could just get away (anywhere but Florida, ha ha), our passionburning red, white, blue, and eco-friendly. This letter may seem asunjustified as your Senate seat, but I know my feelings aretrue. Like a universal health care bill, our love shall never pass. My love always,AlPS. I'll keep you pinned to the bed like I was Bosnian sniper fire.