Ethan: Let's say you're John Paxson. Are you taking Rose or Beasley? Or are you going to skip the draft altogether and just brag about the shot you hit to ice the 93 Finals?
Amir: I was Steve Kerr before there was a Steve Kerr! Which mean's I'm selling my draft pick for cash. Lots and lots of cash.
Ethan: It looks like they're going to take Rose, right? Poor Vinny Del Negro. He finally gets to coach, and he gets a roster that's all guards and Joakim Noahs. Also, his name is Vinny Del Negro, which couldn't have been easy between ages 6 and 15.
Amir: I guess they learned the lesson of the 1984 Blazers and just want the best player rather than the best player that fits their current roster. If Derrick Rose really is the next Chris Paul maybe the Bulls are now just two years away from losing to the Cavs in the conference finals!
Ethan: Rose is definitely the best player, but I don't see Chicago winning with him in the short term, do you? Could they trade any of their other guards/wings to get a good big man? Sign and trade Ben Gordon? Is their plan just to hope Noah figures "this offense thing" out? Don't they have to think about taking Beasley? Or hope for a Bill Cartwright comeback?
Amir: I guess their thinking is that Rose plus the big man they can get for Hinrich is better than Gordon and Beasely. Though now there are reports that Miami doesn't even want Beasely. What a difference a month and three inches makes
Ethan: Who's going to trade an elite big guy for Hinrich? Sure, Beasley can't play D, but Noah could help cover for him there in addition to teaching him how to scream, get arrested, and have a terrible haircut. Watch out, Chicago! You think Miami's going to trade its pick?
Amir: No. But I also didn't know that Miami had a new coach named Erik Spoelstra until two days ago, so what do I know! I think Beasely is a great compliment to D-Wade and Marion. That's a pretty good trio to compete in the east. I call them "The Medium Three!"
Ethan: Who else do you like in the draft? Mayo? And
is there anyone else you'd feel comfortable drafting?
Amir: Who said I felt comfortable with Mayo? This kid has a reputation of being a clubhouse cancer and he's barely even old enough to buy cigarettes. Mayo is the kind of kid who alley-ooped slam dunks to himself off the backboard in high school then threw the ball into the crowd. How do you think he's going to react when he has to live in Minnesota for three years and lose?
Ethan: Oh, come on, unless the Wolves lose Telfair as a restricted free agent, Sebastian can take Mayo under his wing and show him the ropes. So you wouldn't take Mayo at #3? Who are you taking, then? Lopez? Love?
Amir: Kevin Love is a solid player who could give the T-wolves a solid front court for the next 15 to 35 years. Can't you just see him and Al Jefferson hanging out, talking about their very similar backgrounds?
Ethan: Don't you think it's a little odd that Love's going to be a top ten pick, yet everyone's assessment of him includes something to the effect of, "Sure, he's not very athletic and not particularly big, but
neither was Minnesotas GM. He's still a big body with a soft touch. What I don't understand is the Russell Westbrook bandwagon. He didn't even start on his own team!
Ethan: They said the same thing about Marvin Williams, and look at him now. You think the Hawks are regretting skipping on Deron Williams and Chris Paul? Unlikely. Do you understand what makes people think Westbrook's ready to be an NBA PG? Or, for that matter, how to pronounce Danilo Gallinari's name?
Ethan: Anyone else in the draft you particularly like? Douglas-Roberts seems like he could be a steal late in the first round; you can't have too many guys who can come off the bench and score like he can. And really, you're getting two last names for just one draft pick. That's value.
Amir: I like Joey Dorsey in the second round. People saw what Leon Powe and Big Baby did for Boston. If you take Dorsey then get KG, Ray Allen and Paul Pierce you're pretty set!
Ethan: Hibbert's a good sleeper, too. He's built like a refrigerator with legs. On a team where he didn't have to run much (or, ideally, any), he could be a great part of a frontcourt rotation. Now, onto the more pressing question. Tell me how my ass taste.
Amir: I want Kobe to come out and tell Shaq his ass tastes as bitter as his rhymes. Though that was a pretty fresh beat!
Ethan: I like that Shaq is a) still obsessed with Kobe and b) still thinks he can rap. Is he that delusional? Does he watch his VHS tape of Steel and think, "Damn
that Oscar shit is all political. Otherwise the Diesel would be holding that Academy Award?"
Amir: Some of those rhymes were pretty good
but I highly doubt Steve Kerr is watching this and smiling proudly. Though did you know Mike D'Antoni was the one shooting that video?
Ethan: Are you kidding? Steve Kerr's been on the cover of The Source like six times. As for D'Antoni, when you're coaching the Knicks, you need to be out looking for talent wherever you can find it. That includes clubs with bad freestyle rapping. Have you prepared the comprehensive report on interleague baseball I asked you for?
Amir: Yep. NL Still sucks. Moving on
Ethan: Got an interesting fact?
Amir: This one has nothing to do with anything, but did you know Larry Bird once had a triple double by halftime of a game?
Ethan: Was it in Jordan vs. Bird: One-on-One on Commodore 64? Because it was damn near impossible to get an assist in that game.
Amir: Off the backboard-sauce
Ethan: Until next week, get excited for continued Wimbledon excitement!
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