Well, today marks the day that a digitally animated robot becomes the best actor in Hollywood. Let's see what the rest of these no talent clowns have been up to while a cartoon successfully out-acts them.

Matt Damon got hella fat! Well, just for a part, but still. He looks like a straight-up child molester. Related Tangent: how weird would it be if Matt Damon went by Matthew Damon instead? Matthew Damon and Benjamin Affleck. Weird, right? Just me? Cool. (WWTDD)

Speaking of Benjamin Affleck, it looks like there might be trouble in MarriageLand, USA for him and his wife, Jennifer Gardner. I'll give you one hint why – it starts with 'their daughter' and ends with 'looks like a gremlin.' Also, I can't help but compare this picture with this picture. (IDLYITW, WWTDD)

Amy Winehouse was diagnosed with the early stages of emphysema this week, which finally, FINALLY seemed to get through to her. Thank God. She waited until she was in the parking lot to light up instead of in the waiting room like she normally does. I'm just so damn proud of her. (Celebslam)

Word of a Verne Troyer sex tape leaked this week, along with a disturbing teaser video. On the one hand, I'm painfully curious how the mechanics of this would work. Like, does he stand on the bed? Does she kneel? Who's in charge of pumping? On the other hand, I'm pretty sure I'll go blind within the first minute of watching. (Celebslam)

This week we found out that John Mayer was dating Minka Kelly before he dumped her for Jennifer Aniston. Which is basically like trading a bushel of ripe bananas for a couple of older bananas that make mediocre movies and used to be on TV. Does this analogy work yet? (IDLYITW)

Madonna and her husband Guy Ritchie may be headed for divorce, say sources. Word on the streets is that they didn't sign a pre-nup, and with Madonna worth over $600 million, Guy is about to get much (are you ready for this?) Ritchie-er. And THAT'S why they pay me the big bucks. (DListed)

According to these pictures, Mary Kate Olsen and Nicole Ritchie hosted a douchebag theme party this week. Invited but not pictured: a bunch of dudes wearing fedoras and Pete Wentz. (DListed)

Rod Stewart was caught this week tonging his wife's nips in public. And that may officially be the creepiest series of words I've ever strung together into a sentence. (Egotastic)

Jessica Biel was rocking a mullet this week, Colin Farrell looked anorexic, and model Katerina Kurkova shocked the fashion world by looking chubbs on the runway. Sadly, weirder than all this is Anthony Kiedis' new car. (Hollywood Tuna, WWTDD)

And last but not least, the weekly 'Still Got It' award. This week goes to international model Phoebe Price's legs, which look like a paper mache project gone tragically wrong. Congratulations, you two! (DListed)