It's been an entire week since your last confession and there's been a lot of good, solid sinning going on across the country. Check out the top 5 and don't forget to submit your misdeeds to our new submission page!
This summer semester has been hellish not because of calculus, but because of the boneheads across the hall who insist on blaring their rap sh*t into the night and waking me up with it at 5am since sound carries all too well in this hall. Well I got sick of them always slamming their door at 5am and playing the music, so at about 3 in the morning, I snuck up to their door with a 50 count box of those little pull firecrackers. The ones where you pull the two strings and they explode in the middle. I made sure they were the ones with extra long strings. So I set to work with a tube of super glue and over the course of 25 minutes, glued one string to the door and one to the door frame for each of the poppers. I then went in my room and went back to studying for a test that day so sleep was irrelevant. Sure enough, at 5 am, I hear their music turn on, followed by almost all the poppers exploding at once. As an added bonus, there was a crash. Apparently he'd fallen and reached for something to grab, which had been the wire to their iPod dock with the built in speakers, successfully pulling it off the shelf and smashing it to bits. Now I sleep very well.
My roomate was such a jackass, he would steal all my food and drinks and started stealing money from my piggybank, I started getting pissed. I knew that he was an alcoholic so I got a waxing kit and waited until he passed out in our room and then poured hot wax all down his hairy legs and left him the job to tear his leg hair out.
I went to a party on a Saturday night, and I had done all my laundry that morning, and left it all folded in my hamper. I got back from the party really late that night and just went to bed as soon as I got back. I locked the door, but minutes later my roommate stumbled in, grabbed something, and walked out without re-locking the door. I dozed off, and about an hour later, someone else barges into my room, and falls into my hamper. I thought it was my roommate again, but then I heard groans and heaves. I get out of my loft bed and turn on the lights to find someone else (on the floor) sitting naked in my clean clothes. He was drunk off his ass. He had puked, pissed, and shit in my hamper. I called the cops and they took his name (he was a minor) and gave him a drinking ticket. He came to apologize and told me not to press charges or call the cops (which I already did he didn't remember). I was so pissed at him that the next morning I cornered him into paying me $500 and cleaning up his mess or I was going to call the cops again. I never did get my roommate back for not re-locking the door, but he left a wad of cash and a bunch of unopened booze behind when he left for the summer. I guess we're even.
Anonymous, Northern Illinois University
My freshman year 4 guys who lived a couple of floors below me thought they were my friend but acted like complete douchbags toward me. These are the dumbass jock, frat, alcoholic types. They kept showing up at my door at 4 am on a tuesday when they knew I had class at 7:30 (was they only time available for the class), trying to call me out in front of all of my female friends and being general assholes at all times. One time I took a female friend of mine to a party and these guys end up being there too. One of the guys asks to borrow the keys to my car so he can try to bang the chick that I brought to the party in my car. One day they had pushed it too far when one of they guys while drunk picks me up and literally throws me half way across a dorm into a cement wall, he was twice my size so it wasn't really a fair fight. I got back at all of them when I made up hundereds of fake busniess cards with their names, phone numbers and e-mail adressess advertising them as cheap gay escorts. Last I heard they were still getting calls and e-mails.
Anonymous, Arizona State University
My Senior year, I shared an apartment with a friend who ended up being a total psycho. After two years of unquestioning support, trying to get her medical help and therapy for "her mysterious fainting disease" and "her abusive exboyfriend" and "her substance abuse," (literally drunk, dangerous, embarassing, bleeding, or unconscious 90% of the time I was with her.) 3 professors and a handful of friends and I were practically chaperoning her around. And then I found out she was lying about everything and faking it all..right down to faking phone calls, texts and injuries from her "abusive ex", faking doctors advice and being able to faint on command. I confronted her one night and she got so angry and defensive, she swatted me with a 20 gallon trash bag full of trash. I moved out very quickly that next weekend, but right as I was about to walk out the door, I saw her leftover pizza sitting in the kitchen (which I knew she would come back to because she was fat). I carefully pulled back the cheese and made myself throw up in my mouth, then spread my vomit under every single piece, replacing the cheese as I went.
The best part is, she reads collegehumor pretty religiously.
Elle, West Chester University
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