You know how I know I'm a patriot? I put "America" in the title of my song.

Yousee, it's called, "America." And while I wrote it, I was wearing mytrusty flag pin. And while I applied the pointy ol' mini red, white andblue to my Walmart bought lapel, I listened to Francis Scott Key's odeto that Spangled Star Banner.

As if all this weren't enough,for good measure, Lee Greenwood bathed me in American tap water beforeI did a darn thing. Just so I could get that U.S.A. patina all over mybody. Ol' Lee has hands that could tear the CCCP in half.

Also,I made sure there were no blacks within a 500-yard parameter. Well,actually Toby Keith made sure of it, as I paid him in Thomas Jeffersonsto make sure of it!

To top things off, I took my Civil War gunout of my gun safe and cleaned it old school like, making sure thepowder was just so. But then, I accidentally shot my son in the face.Luckily, I had my neighbor make his casket out of the wood shed thatJohn Wayne was born in, so it turned a minus into a plus.

Next,I performed archery in my 5-acre lot. On the bullseye was the word"liberal." Because I've had enough of being open to new behavior oropinions. I like my behavior limited and my opinions traditional. Thatmeans you homosexuals! Nice try though. Don't ask me if I want any andI won't tell you I do. Really, quit asking. But, I'm getting away frommy point here which is I'm a patriot. And I prove it day in and day outby confessing my sins to my pastor, who doesn't even hold the fact thatI sometimes eat Chinese against me.

So… what was I talkingabout? Oh yeah, the Chinese. I hate 'em. Don't bring 'em near mebecause I just might have to tell 'em my new fortune, which is this: Ilove America! Oh right, AMERICA! U S A! U S A!

Here's thelyrics to my song. Love 'em or leave em'. But mostly love 'em. Not youGuadalupe. Nice try though. Turn that green card into a red, white andblue card. But pick my kids up from baseball first. Here's the lyrics:

A is for Ass kicking
M is for Me
E is for England
R is for Really whooped their ass
I is for Me because
C is for Cickin'
Ass again, all over the place.


Andthen I mostly repeat it from there. It functions as a kind of GaryGlitter piece. Made to be played before minor league baseball games. Soplay on America! Not the song, the country. And, never forget, thesecolors don't run… unless you're yellow!