Jesus and the Leper, Mark 1:40-47
40 And there came a leper to him, beseeching him, and kneeling down to him, and saying unto him, if though wilt, thou canst make me clean. 41 And Jesus, moved with compassion, put forth his hand, and saith unto him, I will; dost thou have insurance? 42 And the leper saith unto him, Yes. I have Empire Blue Cross. 43 And Jesus asked of the leper, Dost thou have the PPO or the HMO? 44 And the leper saith unto him, I have the HMO. 45 And Jesus saith unto him, I am sorry, my child, but heal you I cannot, for I only accept Empire Blue Cross' PPO plan. 46 And the leper wept, but Jesus saith unto him, Perhaps another messiah will be along who accepts your plan. 47 And he sent the leper away from him.
Jesus Enters Jerusalem, Matthew 21:10-21
10 When Jesus entered Jerusalem, the whole city was stirred and asked, "Who is this?" 11The crowds answered, "This is Jesus, the prophet from Nazareth in Galilee." 12 And the soldier at the gate saith unto him, Halt, for thy needeth the proper scrolls to enter into the city. 13 And Jesus felt along his robe and professed, Good soldier, I cannot believe this but I fear I have misplaced my scroll at this time. But, I assure you I am the Nazarene for whom the crowd cries. 14 The soldier saith unto him, I believe you but I am under orders to collect scrolls from all who enter this city. 15 Jesus protested but the soldier could not be persuaded to stand down. 16 And the soldier saith unto Jesus, You should never leave your village without your scroll. 17 And Jesus saith back unto him, I swear upon my Father, I did not. 18 And then Jesus asked how long until a new scroll could be prepared for him. 19 And the soldier saith unto him, Six to eight weeks, as the cock crows. 20 Then Jesus shook his head and saith unto himself, Unbelievable. Absolutely unbelievable. 21 And he rode back into the desert from whence he came, shaking his head still.
The Last Supper, Luke 22:17-29
17 And he took a cup, and when he had given thanks he said, Take this, and divide it among yourselves. 18 And he took bread, and when he had given thanks, he broke it and gave it to them, saying, This is my body, which is given for you. Do this in remembrance of me. 19 And none among them took of the bread. 20 And Jesus saith unto them, Why dost thou not eat the bread which hath become my body? 21 And the disciples were silent, until Luke saith unto Jesus, Lord, we canst eat thine body for love of our own. 22 And Jesus saith unto him, Luke, I am the light and the world and love itself. 23 And Luke saith back, Lord, the bread maketh my body wide and slow. 24 And Peter saith to Jesus, the bread turns into fat which ringeth the midsection. 25 And Jesus asked if all the disciples would do as Luke and Peter and they saith, Yes. 26 And so Jesus asked of them if they would drinketh of his blood. 27 And Luke asked the Lord if thine blood was of the white or red grape. 28 And Jesus saith, Red. 29 And Luke told him that juice of the red grape be permitted after thy first two weeks on South Beach, but that, for Jesus, he would cheat and drinketh the wine now.