Ethan: Let's get right to this: how excited is CC Sabathia to be going to a place known for its sausages? Even if the Brewers don't make the playoffs, their postgame buffets just got way more interesting.
Ethan: David Cone to the Blue Jays in 1992 was a good one.
Amir: Don't bother proving me wrong with "facts."
Ethan: The NL is weak enough this year that this strategy could work if Sheets stays healthy. Even if the Brewers can't catch the Cubs, they should still be able to get the wild card. If they make the playoffs, they can roll the dice with Sabathia and Sheets could do what Schilling and Randy Johnson did in 2001. Of course, that paragraph hinges on the phrase "if Sheets stays healthy," which inspires little confidence. Not as little as say, "If Rich Harden stays healthy "
Amir: Harden sprained both his eyeballs just reading reports of the trade. He's out for 8-12 weeks.
Ethan: Hey, it wouldn't feel like a real Cubs season without Mark Prior, right? They had to find the next-best thing. The Cubs' rotation is still good enough to win the NL even if Harden doesn't stay healthy. The offense and the top three starters should be enough. If they get five or six starts out of him before all of his joints spontaneously combust, they'll be in good shape. Ryan Dempster forever!
Amir: So do you have the Brewers or the Cubs facing the Rays in the World Series?
Ethan: I'm still hoping for Phillies-Rays. I think David Price will have to come up later in the year and pitch like a maniac for the Rays to hold off the Sox. That, or the Sox could just keep letting that old All Star Jason Varitek bat four times a week. That would help the Rays, too.
Amir: What is more possible as of right now, Favre playing next season or the Rays winning the AL?
Ethan: Rays winning the AL. The Favre thing is an elaborate, annoying sham. This whole thing is entering that rarefied pantheon of Spygate, steroids, and Barbaro in the halls of "Stupid stories that won't die."
Amir: Stupid horses that won't die
Ethan: Really, he sent the Packers' GM a text message? And that was a major national story? Do you want him to come back? He's turning into Roger Clemens with less synthetic ox hormones and fewer homoerotic emails to his trainer.
Amir: I'd like him to come back and play for somebody else. Like Michael Jordan only with more Wrangler Jeans. Is it also weird to you that it seems Green Bay already hates Aaron Rodgers and he hasn't started a game yet?
Ethan: Well, they needed to get a headstart on hating him. He could have a passer rating of roughly four billion this year, and they'd still hate him for not being "gritty" or enough of a gunslinger. Do you really think Favre would play somewhere else? The best landing places seem like the other NFC North teams, and then he'd be the new Aaron Rodgers in terms of Green Bay's hatred.
Amir: I'd love to see him go to the Bears. Though I don't know if Chicago in January is cold enough for him. He needs his entire hand to be numb to play well.
Ethan: You just brought up the weather in Green Bay so we couldrun that picture of Tom Coughlin after the game at Lameau, didn't you?
Ethan: I understand where Brand was coming from. The Clippers weren't going to win a title. So instead he went to the Sixers, where he can be reunited with Andre Miller. I always thought that if you were reuniting a team, it should be a good one, not the 2003 Clippers. Oh, well. Quick, Philly, sign Eric Piatkowski as a third option!
Amir: Isn't Igoudala gone after this year anyway? What exactly is the nucleus people are talking about? Brand/Kaman/Baron could have made some noise out West. Either team is not going to win a championship so wouldn't you rather stay where it's warm?
Ethan: Well, it's no worse a plan that what the Wizards are doing. Giving Antawn Jamison a huge deal and Agent Zero $111 over six years seems, well, stupid. Is Jamison going to age well? Can Arenas coming off a huge injury be the best player on a championship team? Or are they just trying to drive traffic to their blog?
Amir: They're going to make that money back in Google Ads, not playoff games. NBA 2.0, son!
Ethan: The best part is that Arenas didn't take the max deal because he didn't want to financially bind the team. So he took $16 million less over six years. It's a nice gesture, but what does $2.6 mil a year buy you in the NBA? Half a season of Desagana Diop?
Amir: Gilbert is a human Mid-level exception.
Ethan: You really think the Clippers are going to be good with Baron but no Brand or Maggette?
Amir: Nope! Right now Baron is on the phone with his lawyer asking "What is a 'Verbal Contract' really? Also, how does one come 'crawling back?' technically speaking?"
Ethan: He's knocking on Chris Mullin's door, beard in hand, as we speak.
Amir: "You didn't actually think I agreed to sign with the fucking CLIPPERS did you? Hahaha. All right, get Corey outta here and let's get something on paper. What did I opt out of again? 17.6 mill? Lets call it 17.2 and forget this thing ever happened."
Amir: It's crazy that in a month or so we've had an epic golf and tennis event. Who knew you could have so much fun on grass!
Ethan: The makers of Crocodile Mile.
Amir: The ATP ranking system still has Federer above Nadal. Did you know that and the BCS were still being run off the same Apple IIc in Akron, Ohio?
Ethan: Even weirder, the computer keeps putting Oklahoma in the U.S. Open final every year. Got an interesting fact?
Amir: From Tampa, the new mecca of baseball: Scott Kazmir once threw four straight no-hitters in high school.
Ethan: His high school team then traded him for Victor Zambrano. You can't put a price on experience. Until next week, get excited for the ongoing WNBA season!
Amir: They've got now!
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