Adam Ruins Everything
Jake and Amir
The Hole in This Capri Sun Is Exasperatingly Complex to Penetrate
July 9, 2008
Oh. Hello there, sonny. Would you mind quickly assisting me with a glaring issue of mine? Much obliged. You would never believe how eager I currently am to have run into an individual such as yourself: an individual who may just happen to be able to be of some assistance to this particular dilemma of mine. It seems, my boy, that the hole in this Capri Sun is exasperatingly complex to penetrate.
You see I have dealt more than several hours with attempts to release this refreshing liquid into my body. But as you can so clearly observe, this fruit drink has infuriatingly halted itself to no end.
In fact, the roof of my mouth, in its extreme state of desiccation, is dreadfully crying out for just the slimmest drop of quenching tropical fruit juice. Due to the faulty perforated hole that is normally to be pierced by the individually wrapped straw, all 6.75 fluid ounces of my liquid replenishment will remain in its default container.
Just ever so slightly out of reach.
Does every great quenching snack have its obstacles? Surely. If this here beverage weren't so delightful, it would not be worth the trouble that it is. All wise men know these 70 calories of strawberry kiwi flavor do not come without a little work, a bit of exertion.
Could I cheat and thrust the straw through the bottom of the container? I suppose that technically I could. That would mean two things: I took the ways of a weak man to solve my problem. Also, I wouldn't be able to set the drink down until I have completely finished it.
There is a fear deep in my core. A fear of when I do ultimately plunge the straw through the hole in the container, that my maladroit movement will send strawberry kiwi fluid covering my favorite fedora and newly purchased pea coat.
It's times like these it's times like these that I suppose I must remind myself that some aluminum foil wrappings are just too metallic and shiny to be punctured. Some of them are so special they must be never be drained, lest they lose their special trait.
It's been said that Capri Suns are easy to maneuver and worth struggling for. I agree with the second part.
We like you. Do you like us too?
Don't ask me again.