On the internet the really "important" things can be classifie dunder one of a couple things. The completely irrelevant (lolcats, CAD,Cosmo Nims), the super serious (essays, NY Times) and the complete bullshit. It is from the last category that I draw my new favorite thing to hate, but this is no ordinary bullshit. This bullshit is so fowl that it emerged from Ghengis Khan's colon in 1182 BC, and then fossilized into this indestructible "super bullshit." It was then discovered by John Wilkes Booth who managed to devour it so he could possess the power to assassinate Lincoln. After this atrocious act was complete Booth expelled the waste from himself, but at the cost of having his own tormented soul trapped within this unspeakable bullshit. I think I've made my point clear: this is some heavy-duty, major league bullshit.

Since I know the suspense is killing you (and your fingernails are now reduced to scratchy stubs, no doubt) I will go ahead and tell you of what I speak. It is something called "The Man Code".

At this point you've had one of two reactions. You are either confused because you are a female, and as such don't know what the man code is, or you are a male and know exactly what the man code is and follow it's every rule unquestioningly (and yes, ladies, every man does know of the man code, trust me). If you are of the latter you have probably just tossed your computer out a window in a fit of rage, because you are a big dumb brute, and could not stand to hear anyone say anything bad about the man code (especially not another man). If, however, you are a "law" abiding male and continue to read on, I applaud you. There is some hope left after all.

Since I know all my readers don't abide by the man code, I will give you a brief explanation of what it is.

The man code is an "unspoken" (read: completely bullshitted) set of rules that all "real men" (read: intolerant, sexist, and insecure males) are supposed to follow NO MATTER WHAT.

I know people who aren't familiar with the rules are reading that thinking, "That sounds like the dumbest thing in the world. Who would possibly fall for bullshit like that?" Well, apparently a lot of guys do. More men know about (and abide by) the man code than should be healthy. It also promotes discrimination against other men who don'tfollow the man code or who break one of the rules. If a man breaks a rule, the man code states that any innocent man is allowed to call that man "Princess" or "Nancy" for…some undetermined amount of time (the joke here is obviously that calling a man a close female relative ofthe monarch is insulting, because nothing says "unmanly" like controlling almost all of the power in a kingdom).

Unfortunately, the majority of the (straight) male population actually takes this thing seriously. They live by it, drawing feigned sustenance from this rubbish. This thing has manifested itself into a pseudo-religion of sorts, but it's ability to draw in unsuspecting victims is much more devastating. If a preacher says "Accept God as your personal savor or you shall burn in Hell!" it's easy to just think "I don't believe inmthat garbage," and be on your way. But suppose someone writes a code, a code that all men are obligated to follow and cherish and take as seriously as their mother's death. You can't just say "I don't believe in men!" (well you could, but then you would be copying radical-feminism [see, I'm not just picking on the guys]). If it's a set of rules that men NEED to follow then we're pretty much screwed. We have no excuse, nothing to keep the ignorance from flooding our brain. Unless we stop it in it's early stages and men come to their senses about what exactly they're doing when they follow these rules.

When I hear someone reciting these rulings like they were reading from the bible all I can think to myself is "sheep". You're following someone else's rules, someone else's insecurities and sexist beliefs that have no doubt made that person an outcast in their former social circles (unless their social circle is Neo-Nazism or the Republican Party). They package these doctrines up nice and sweet so that you can relate to them as a man, and then before you know it you really start to believe that all women are bad drivers, anything slightly "gay" is unmanly (rules dictate that no thought can go into your outfits, you aren't allowed to get your haircut unless their is a barber pole outside of the place, and Brokeback Mountain is anabomination on man-kind unless you're watching it for Anne Hatheway's tits), and Chuck Norris was actually good at martial arts.

The man code is very big on male superiority, so to that I say, "Why not grow a pair, do what you want, and not let whiny cry-babies stop you from that?" If you honestly think that men are supposed to be the greatest, then you wouldn't be taking other people's shit for doing something that you enjoy doing (God forbid someone should eat a salad as an entree [real rule], dislike an action move [real rule], or not enjoy sports [and yes, real rule]). A "real man" would say, "Fuck the man code, I'm doing whatever the Hell I want regardless of what some incompetent degenerates think of me." (because real men can come up with better insults than "Nancy" and "Princess").

The people who follow the man code actually care enough about "male superiority" that they have created pages and pages of reasonings that "prove" why they are so much better. If a gender has to do that in order to validate themselves in a "better-than" contest, all I can say is that they must not be winning by a long shot.

I feel like the best way to show people how insulting, unnecessary, logic-deprived, manipulative, and image damaging the man code is is toj ust let them read it for themselves. It really does not defend itself,and I'm sure everything there is actually very counter-productive. I can't wait until people wake up one day and say "Holy shit, that site is dumb. I can't believe I actually followed those rules." Then we will all laugh about it, get back to things that matter, and live prosperouslives free of all the vile garbage that was generated by that deplorable cult-like following.


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