I was roommates with a beer hoarding, party crashing, cigarette stealing whore my sophmore year. Near the end of the year I got sick of her ass showing up uninvited to parties I had told her about getting drunk and making a fool of herself so I decided to put a stop to it. When she walked away from her drink to go beg for cigarettes I poured 3/4 of it on the lawn and filled it back up with water from the toilet. The next morning she threw up for a few hours and swore off drinking with my friends. Ha ha ha.
Claire Y, School Not Given
Junior year, my awesome roommate decided to spend the whole year studying abroad. Due to a mess up in the housing office I ended up rooming with some random chick. She was senior whose suitemates were also studying abroad, and she didn't get accepted into the program. And bitch was BITTER! She spent almost full year whining and complaining that the Study Abroad office "fucked her over," how she was "MEANT to live in Paris" and that they didn't let her go b/c her daddy didn't donate money to the university like other families. When that story got tired, she started insisting it was due to a mix-up with the admissions office or the bursar, WHATEVER. Somewhere around November, she started wearing these long scarves, smoking some weird brand of French cigarettes and listening to horrible European techno music. She mysteriously acquired a French accent and declared American beer inferior to German beer and only started dating foreign men. Sick and tired of her transformation (that only got worse after winter break), my friends and I decided to get even with her. We found someone who was doing work-study in the study abroad office, and he got us official stationary and envelopes. We drafted an "acceptance letter" to the Paris program that supposedly got "lost in the mail." It stated that the previous notification she received was in error, that a spot had opened up, that b/c of the late notice, she had to respond immediately if she wished to participate, and that b/c of increased interest, failing to respond within 7 days would be deemed declining to participate in the program. We dated it a year prior, altered the postmark, yellowed and tore the envelope, and made sure she got it around the same time I got my REAL acceptance to the program in Italy. Well when she found the letter, bitch went APESHIT! She stormed around the apt cursing and screaming that she "KNEW IT!" and that the "f*ckers in admissions" were going to hear from her attorney, etc. After about a week of arguing with every single university official that would listen, the ranting and raving suddenly stopped. She stopped wearing the scarves and smoking the cigarettes, and the accent mysteriously disappeared. I'm not quite sure what happened, but I did find a business card and some pamphlets from the university mental health center in the trash one day. Oh, and I made sure to send her a postcard from from Paris the following semester.
Dee M, School Not Given
I met this girl who shared my major and had all the same classes as me and I needed a roommate for the next year so we decided to sign a lease together. I later found out that her mom was a crack head and her dad was a drunk who did construction. She lived on welfare and would constantly rub it in my face that my parents were doctors and always complained that I owed it to her to pay for most of the bills because "My family wouldn't miss the money." She would also eat all my food and when I would tell her to stop she would tell me to "go call daddy." After one semester of living with poor white trash I left to take an internship in a different city and thought the apartment would be okay. I got a call from my landlord about 3 months later begging me to empty the apartment because she couldn't get anyone to rent the place for the next year because it was so disgusting. I drove three hours back to the apartment to find out that my roommate had partially moved in with her boyfriend but still came back to our apartment to eat and leave food all over the floor and in the sink, and trash had built up almost 2 feet off the floor in every room, [even my room, that i had not been living in for 3 months but still had some of my big furniture stored]. I took everything she owned and threw it in the dumpster including her mattress [that never had sheets on it], all her clothes, her birth certificate and social security card and all her school books. I dropped my key off at my landlord and got a prorated check for the months that we were giving up and both of our deposits and left town. I never called her to tell her, and my landlord sure didn't because my roommate insisted on not giving the landlord her number because she didn't want to be bothered if her rent was late. Have fun replacing all your cheap shit with all the money you don't have. Bitch.
Olivia Smith, FSU
Remember that time you graduated and directly after you were headed across the country? Remember that cute white sun dress you packed deep in your bag? How about the nasty tampons I packed all around it? Hope you enjoyed your graduation gift from me. You were the best roommate.
Tara x, Penn State
My roommate freshman year was a complete psycho. First semester she seemed pretty normal, until I started hooking up with a guy that lived upstairs. She refused to ever be sexiled and since she was from another country she never even went away on weekends. In addition, if I was in my room with my boyfriend and had locked the door, she would slam her body into the door and scream, "I can't believe you! You're such a whore" until I opened it and let her in. After putting up with this for about 4 months, she told our RA that I was doing coke and had all my possessions searched. I decided to get even. One Friday afternoon, when I knew she wasn't going to be home, I got an 1/8 of weed and hid it in her drawer. Then that night when I came home from being out and she was asleep,my boyfriend and I made sex noises for 25 minutes, then went to bed. The next morning when the RA and she woke us up at 8 am (she was demanding a meeting after my "behavior") I begged the RA to search the room again. He found the weed I had hidden in her stuff and she got deported!
Phoebe M, Bucknell University
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