The truth is out there. At least that's what we were told.

There Will Be Blood is easily the best name ever for a period piece.
-Adam Newman
I feel bad for my friend, he's obviously getting married for all the wrong reasons. Like, he must think his fiance is good looking.
-Amir Blumenfeld
If professional golfers choose to take the day off or retire, would they start to do actual work?
-Owen Grove
An Unpopular Comedian
"I just flew in from the battered women's shelter and boy are my arms tired!"
-Ving Pranson
On Friday, Christian Bale pretended to be Batman, on Sunday he fought with his mom. He basically spent the weekend acting like me at 13.
-Patrick Cassels
A Picture's Worth
Is my picture worth double if it's of 1000 words?
-Ricky Kamil
Drug Awareness
Anti-drug ads have been really cracking down on meth lately. I wonder when they'll start mething down on crack.
-Nick Lathan
I would give my left arm to be ambidextrous.
-Nick Long
Learning Through Music
Before I listened to rap I had no idea how much NWA hated Sting and his band mates.
-Nick Nemeroff
I find it ironic that getting the clap is nothing to cheer about.
-Tanner Boyd
I always hated getting cut in line when I was a kid, so obviously I was glad when my school finally installed metal detectors.
-Conor McKeon