Today I woke up not knowing what was in store. The first thing i found out was that work would not be requiring my genius, which is unfortunate because i appreciate work. It gives me something else to do besides counting the millions of dollars i have stashed in my multiple Swiss Bank accounts from my previous career as a drug trafficker for an old and dear friend, Pablo Escobar. But another thing i appreciate aside from manual labor is waking up at 6 am to my topless maid Jasmine, cooking my standard breakfast of scrambled egg whites, turkey bacon, dry rye toast and a tall glass of prune juice(mmmm-mmm). After breakfast, I knew that if i were going to accomplish anything worthwhile today than it must be soiling the name of Hip-Hop sensation Lil Wayne.  

I never had any problem with LW, there is no on-going feud, in fact i would probably praise the man for sharing the same birthday as me. That was before he released his latest song "Lollipop". It wasn't the first, second, or 700th time i heard it on the radio that really upset me, because i don't listen to radio anyway(bet it upset you though). But when i had to hear it at least 30 times a day either via a friends cd mix, a car in traffic next to me, ring tone, commercial advertisement, and my personal favorite, waiting in line at the DMV…..well, thats when it really hit me what this song was doing to our nation.

Everywhere i have gone in the last couple of weeks i have seen a growing trend, mainly lollipops. Friends who come to my place, people i hang out with, the cashiers at Wal-Mart, the priest in church, the cop i sell illegal pogs to, and even my nurse during my last physical. Did you know that Charms, Dum-Dums, Tootsie Pops and various other candy companies stocks have nearly octupled?

Its quite obvious to see that he is not a recording artist, but more than likely a double agent of the ADA and the thriving candy industry. Piece it together, people indulging in gratuitous amounts of sugar loaded lollipops which in co-relation with the commonly bad dental hygiene of most people leads to only one simple conclusion: cavities for dentists and millions for sugar tycoons. But then there is the million dollar question, whats in it for LW?

How about a number one hit, royalties, and the millions of dollars these organizations and associations donate to "charity" every year?  Cough*CharityofLilWayne*Cough Speaking of number 1 hit, have we lowered our standards as americans, or just people who appreciate what were once fine arts. Back when music was music we had great musicians like Kenny G, Barry Manilow, Jamiroquai, Yanni, Vanilla Ice, and Buddy Holly. Oh Buddy, what has become of music since you died?!

Instead of songs about love, summer time, american pie we are shaming ourselves by accepting lyrics like:
"I say he so sweet, Make her wanna lick the rapper, So I let her lick the rapper"

"Had me at a loss for words, Told her to back it up, Like berp berp"

"Shawty, Wanna lic-lic-lic-lick me, Like a lollipop"


We really have only 3 choices when it comes to dealing with LW's crusade to fuel pockets full of money. 1)Stop listening, stop eating candy, start brushing your teeth. 2)Listen, eat candy and brush your teeth. 3)File your toothbrush down on a cement wall a la prison shank style, and make a difference in your community. Not saying you have to kill anyone, but you know…eh, whatever.