Adam Ruins Everything
Jake and Amir
August 7, 2008
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I don't like post-apocalyptic films. I like present-apocalyptic films. Like
What Taco Bell Doesn't Want You to Know About Its Food
I love you like a fat kid loves cake: You were great at the time but you ruined high school for me.
Do you think the National Competitive Eaters Association bans marijuana as a performance-enhancing drug?
"Pee onto others as you would have them pee onto you." That's the Golden Shower Rule.
My little brother was a huge pest when I was a kid, so I always wondered if "pest"-icides would get rid of him. They did.
I used to wear deodorant until it gave me a rash. Now I just do everything slower.
You know what's funny about smoking weed? Everything, apparently.
Sex with my girlfriend is always anal:"You're doing it all wrong.""Put your hands here.""Not like that."
I wonder if the ants in my ant farm thought I was some all-powerful god, instead of just some kid who really liked killing ants.
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