We want to rock 'n' roll all night, party every day, and snag a few nap hours in-between.
There's nothing more annoying to me than when a group of people start doing the Electric Slide. Which is why I only attend Amish weddings.
How to Turn Any Chair Into a Lawn ChairGet evicted.
Being homeless is just camping but the forest is urban. And a bear ate all your food.
If Pizza Companies Were Ironic"DiGiorno" is actually Italian for "Delivery"
My girlfriend saw me on the toilet and got so grossed out. I was like, "Everybody does it." And she was all like, "Let me finish peeing first."
I tried using one of those "self check-out" lines at the grocery store once, but everyone just laughed at me. Next time I'll just stick with the doctor's office.
TwinsI think twins are proof that god is kinky.
If I have an extreme hatred for NASCAR does that make me a racist?
Every time I'm on a first date I play a little game called "Just the Tip" where I leave 5 dollars on a $25 meal and then run out. Then I go back to her place and go balls deep.
If the Garden of Eden Had Wi-FiAdam: F1rst!
Snake: Eve's fig leaf FTL
Vegan SubstitutesAre vegan hot dogs made from plant lips and a**holes?
My roommate likes to brag that his balls are like bowling balls. I guess it's true, though, considering they're very dirty and open for public use. And mostly dudes handle them.