Adam Ruins Everything
Jake and Amir
August 12, 2008
We want to rock 'n' roll all night, party every day, and snag a few nap hours in-between.
There's nothing more annoying to me than when a group of people start doing the Electric Slide. Which is why I only attend Amish weddings.
How to Turn Any Chair Into a Lawn Chair
Being homeless is just camping but the forest is urban. And a bear ate all your food.
If Pizza Companies Were Ironic
"DiGiorno" is actually Italian for "Delivery"
My girlfriend saw me on the toilet and got so grossed out. I was like, "Everybody does it." And she was all like, "Let me finish peeing first."
I tried using one of those "self check-out" lines at the grocery store once, but everyone just laughed at me. Next time I'll just stick with the doctor's office.
I think twins are proof that god is kinky.
If I have an extreme hatred for
does that make me a racist?
Every time I'm on a first date I play a little game called "Just the Tip" where I leave 5 dollars on a $25 meal and then run out. Then I go back to her place and go balls deep.
If the Garden of Eden Had Wi-Fi
: Eve's fig leaf
Are vegan hot dogs made from plant lips and a**holes?
My roommate likes to brag that his balls are like bowling balls. I guess it's true, though, considering they're very dirty and open for public use. And mostly dudes handle them.
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We like you. Do you like us too?
Don't ask me again.