Adam Ruins Everything
Jake and Amir
August 14, 2008
While discussing the Olympics at work one day, Susanna expressed herbelief that the Olympics and all the athletes involved our world'smost finely-tuned sportsmen were just wasting their time. Naturally,we decided she should be our official Olympic correspondent. Let's seehow she'll belittle the efforts of so many incredible athletes today!
I have discovered my favorite thing about the Olympics: the announcers.
If you haven't noticed, I love hating stuff and I really hate the announcers. Ergo, the announcers are the best.
They seem normal enough during events like swimming and your other basic race scenarios. They narrate enthusiastically (still feigning interest in all this "record breaking") and mix in little tidbits of information here and there. This all seems like standard announcer stuff. And then something happens that changes normal, appropriately humble announcers into loquacious nut-jobs with microphones and god complexes. The gymnastic events start.
As soon as those leotarded children walk into the gymnasium, some switch is flipped in the announcers' heads that makes them believe that they not only have the right to categorize certain gymnastic routines as "simple," but also that they are, of course, completely omniscient.
They're not just narrating the apparent events of the night. They are narrating the internal monologues and emotional reactions of each gymnast even though they in no way have the power to do that.
Then again, this stuff is happening in China. So they may very well have figured out how to read minds.
If that's the case, I don't want to hear about how bad the American gymnasts feel when they mess up something as simple as keeping their backs straight while flipping between the uneven bars. I want to know what's going on in Pang Jiaying's mind.
olympic round up
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