I know this sounds cliche, but college really is a new beginning, a clean slate to start fresh despite your not so desirable high school past. This rings especially true if you were a loser in high school. Not sure if you were a loser? Do any of these apply to you: In Band (not to be confused with in a band, totally different), choir, drama, math team, computer club, astronomy club, any club that required you to collect and store bugs in your room, or male badminton? If so, I've got the perfect news for you – you're going to college, so now is the time to make up an entirely new personality. Here are some possible personas that you should seriously consider adopting.

Tough Guy - Were you a dweeb in high school who was constantly pushed around? Well here's the one for you. The key to this one is that anyone can be tough, no matter what size you are. Actually in some cases, the smaller the better. This is a nice one if you're a little guy and are sick of getting picked on. Go to your first party, walk in, find the biggest douche there and punch him square in the face. Now don't get scared, but the next thing you do will hurt tremendously, but it'll be worth it and hurt a lot less than him gouging your eyes out. Take a lit cigarette from someone standing near you and put it out on your arm, while staring in the guy's face, without flinching. Once your done everyone will cheer uncontrollably and the head cheerleader will give you a blowjob in front of everyone. I swear.

Pot Head/Druggy
– Girls want to experiment in college and that means not only messing around with drugs, but you too if you play your cards right. Don't want to get into drugs yourself? Doesn't matter, it's all about the image. Just go to the Salvation Army, pick up some sweet threads, maybe some loafers, and a Bob Marley poster. Then just walk around tired and coughing, carrying a bag of Combos and you're set. If someone asks you if you want to smoke, casually say "Nah man, I've been blitzed since high school graduation." One possible pit fall is that girls tend to loose their horniness when they're high. You can combat this by bringing them to a romantic spot on campus to light up, but unfortunately you've "forgotten" the goods back at your dorm. If she's really "the one" she should be touching your penis by this point by sunset, despite the lack of paraphenelia. If not, look into ecstasy.

Rich Kid
- Slutty, vapid and empty girls are attracted to money, so constantly bring up how much it sucks that you can't bring "the Porsche" to school because of "stupid student parking lot beauracratic bullshit" and that they can definitely take a spin when they come to visit "the summer place in the Hamptons". Little do they know you drive your grandma's old Lincoln Continental and the summer place is really your boy Will's musty basement. Fortunately for you they have nothing to debunk your lies and the silk sheets you bought at Target last week are more than enough to hold her attention while she goes down on you. Stupid sluts.

- I know what you're thinking, who would cross over to the darkside, right? Regularly I would recommend tranforming from gothic to something super chill like "Rich Kid", but here's the catch. Every so often you find the oddball, yet extremely hot goth girl who is going out with the gargoyle head of the goth group. And since that kid actually is a goth kid loser, you have the upper hand being a normal, wannabe goth kid so you can steal his girl while he's busy working on recording his heavy metal cd with some townies back home. So go to Spencers or whatever freak place those mutants get their gear, stock up and get ready to get your first black painted fingernail hand job.

Skater Boy – Now you may be asking, "what if I can't skate?" Doesn't matter, at least in the beginning. Girls seem to be oddly attracted to skater guys for some reason. What you're going to do is carry a skateboard around campus, never riding it. If someone asks you why you aren't cruising on your kickass board tell them you're too wasted that laugh manically. If a girl asks you why you're not riding tell her you twisted your ankle on the half pipe, then say "It was totally bogus but kind of killer because some dude caught it on his vid cam", then when she wants to see the video take her back to your dorm, put in a blank tape and accidentally put on the Lion King. She'll think you're sensitive and sweet, so while she blinded by your lies you can probably sneak by with a bleej. 

Simply be creative because now you have the tools necessary to make your life a complete lie. No one will ever find out, it's a full-proof plan and nothing will ever go wrong, EVER. If ever the situation arises where your hot, cool new friends encounter your lame, old friends simply throw rotten eggs at your old friends in front of the new ones, solidifying you as their new leader and lord of the hot blonde 10 who's currently squeezing your semi-hard penis. The transformation is complete and you're now on the road to true happiness.