Skanky is in, girls. Look around your campus. Skanky chicks and skankalicious looks are everywhere. Don't be left out. In fact, if you're going to do skanky, you've got to go all the way with it. Half-done skanky just won't get you anywhere. The following skank secrets, derived from months of undercover work and interviews with super skanks around the country, will propel you to skank stardom on your college campus. Our high-tech scientific studies have shown that true skankocity is all about three things: attitude, what you wear, and what you do.
Attitude: Skankishness starts from the inside it's all about attitude. You have to walk around knowing you are one hot piece of ass. It's got to show in your facial expressions ("you want me and I know it"), body language (shoulders back, boobs out, hips swaying so much they are endangering other pedestrians), and in every word that comes out of your mouth.
What You Wear: Remember, subtle is sexy, so avoid it at all costs. If you have any hopes of a decent skank-ranking, you've got to let it all hang out. We're talking about butt-cracks peeking out above your waistband and at least some butt cheek dangling below your skirt or shorts. It doesn't matter if it's tight, in shape, tan, or even clean. Just squeeze that ass into a pair of booty shorts (a couple sizes too small) and remember, there's no such thing as "too short." In fact, if you ain't feeling a breeze wafting past your (supposed) private parts as you walk in public places, you ain't skankin it up nearly enough.
Oh, and lest we forget your upper half skimpy is the rule of the day (every day). Flaunt what you've got. Just a touch of cleavage is nowhere near naughty enough. That's for sexy girls with no true skank ambitions. If you want to excel, you need lower and lower necklines, higher and higher crop tops! Then you're entering Skankville.
Halloween and theme parties are great places to put your skankivity on parade. There will be a bunch of wannabe skanks out there, those who are just skanks for a night. You need to show them the way real skanky girls do it. Your costume has to be at least one size too small. If the seams are stretched to their max or splitting, go one size smaller. Extra skank points to you if your costume has some nasty residue on it alcohol is good, bodily fluids are better.
To be a real skanky girl, you'll want to expose as much flesh as possible. You want your look to scream out, "Hey, all you horny dudes, come check out my tits and ass!" Your wardrobe choices have to proclaim your skankiness to all, loud and clear, leaving no doubt that you are one sleazy, slutty girl.
What You Do: Once you've got the look and the attitude of a skanky bitch down, the "what to do" part should flow naturally, but here are a few pointers to keep you heading down the right path.
When you are at a party or bar, always drink too much. Get hammered, get sloppy drunk. Pair this with some good old fashioned stumbling about, making sure to "accidentally" let "the twins" fall out every once in awhile.
Don't ever say anything coherent or remotely intelligent. If by accident, you find yourself making any sort of real sense or sharing something worthwhile, don't panic. All is not lost. Just cover it up with some quick cuss words, obscene talk, and some more boob exposure.
Hang all over random people and then either hit on or make-out with anyone and everyone you can. Don't wait until you are drunk for this one. Make it a regular habit to throw yourself at every guy out there, especially your best friend's boyfriend. This one will earn you extra skank points, big time.
Make sure you let everyone know, by what you say and what you do, that you are ready and willing to flash yourself, expose yourself, or fondle yourself upon a mere hint of a request. Extra skank points for those who post a video online of themselves doing these skankilicious acts. This works wonders at developing a scandalous reputation as an easy girl. And this is aspiration of all true skanks. Once it is known that you will bump uglies with anyone, anywhere, anytime, you will be never be lacking attention. You'll have guys pawing and groping you without invitation, lots of opportunities for wild nights of drunken sex with people you don't even know, and you'll be the talk of your college campus.
And there you have it Skank Stardom. You will be up there with super skanks the likes of Britney Spears, Paris Hilton, Tara Reid, Nicole Ritchie and Lindsay Lohan. Use these Skank Hall of Famers as your role models. When in doubt, just ask what would Britney wear? What would Tara do? Soon you'll find yourself in that envied group of up and coming skanks those we see on Girls Gone Wild or MTV Spring Break. Skank stardom on your college campus today, world famous tomorrow!