You may think that once you get to college, rigid social structures and cliques are no longer applicable, and are an afterthought of high school. But you are wrong. Dead wrong. There is one place on campus where a set structure of social groupings is alive and well: the campus recreation center. While the average student might think of the rec as a place to shoot some hoops, loose an eye while play racquetball, and a place to run a couple laps, there are many who see the rec as a place to stake their claim and assert themselves as king of the pick-up basketball court. There are four specific types of people who frequent the rec, and you may even find yourself identifying with one of the groups.
Roid Raging Weightlifters: These guys are the king of the rec, and can be spotted in and around the weight room on a daily basis. While they are not busy blasting their pecs or ripping off a set of power squats, they can be seen mixing their "protein" shakes at the drinking fountain. Besides Nike Shox and weight belts, Roid Raging Weightlifters can be seen sporting unnecessary bandanas and wearing I-Pods blaring "Enter Sandman." Tribal armband and Chinese character tattoos are a must. If a weightlifter asks you for a spot, do not, under any circumstances, agree to help. In the weightlifting world, once a spot is given, you are now your weightlifting partner's bitch, and must comply with his every demand.
Ballers: Like their weightlifting counter parts, these individuals are trying to re-live their high school glory days by dominating any and all pick-up games that are being played. Normally ex-power forwards in high school, these guys tend to throw up three pointer and three pointer, and lay enough bricks to build a house suitable for a family of four. Regardless of the situation, they will also want to play "shirts and skins," and often start taking their shirt off as soon as they enter the building. In addition to trash talking and ball hogging, failed dunk attempts and sprained ankles are plentiful.
Elliptical Girls: These females can be seen furiously pumping away on the elliptical machines in hopes of working off the 14 Busch Lights they consumed the previous night. Normally decked out in hot-pink shorts with the words "BABY" or "HOT" across the butt, they arrive with their friends and can be overheard talking about how big of sluts they were the prior weekend. Under any circumstances do not make eye contact with said females while they are working out, they will think you are looking at their boobs and ruin any chance of hooking up with them later that evening.
Everyone Else: If you're not injecting human growth hormone into your friend's ass, attempting to perform a left handed lay-up, or discussing last night's episode of "Gossip Girl" at 200 revolutions per minute, then you are in the class of people who are spending the majority of their energy trying not to embarrass themselves in front of their peers while working out. Have fun getting rocked in the face while playing volleyball and hiding your erection in your gym shorts.