Yet another reason to scorn the illiterate.

Practical Legal Advice
If a jury finds someone guilty of prostitution, it's probably not a great idea for the judge to sentence him/her to community service.
-Conor McKeon
I don't think old women should be allowed to drive…What a minute. Did I just say, "old?"
-Isaac Kiener
John McCain's mom is so old she voted for Abraham Lincoln. Two weeks ago. She's also really senile. Even crazier: Lincoln won. I'm also senile.
-Amir Blumenfeld
Impossible to Answer "Guess Who?" Questions
-"Does your person have a family history of Diabetes?"
-"Is your person a virgin? If so, is your person Roger? Because Roger is TOTALLY a virgin!"
-"Is your person wearing sandals?"
-Kyle Ewert
My dad caught me smoking cigarettes in high school and made me smoke the whole pack to teach me a lesson. Later that year he caught my brother doing cocaine…and that's how my little brother died of a cocaine overdose.
-Adam Newman

Interview with a Fruit-Picker
Student: What is required to be a fruit picker?
Fruit-Picker: No habla inglis.
Student: Oh wow, so you have to be bilingual, that is very interesting.
-Jatin Patel
On her deathbed, my grandma asked just one thing of me: to make sure she was buried next to grandpa, which didn't leave me a whole lot of time to kill and bury him.
-Andrew B.
Do you think that in 20 years VH1 Classic will just show a bunch of Hogan Knows Best reruns?
-Patrick Cassels
The term "the night is young" always makes me feel weird about having sex in it so often.
-Justin Hansen