Adam Ruins Everything
Jake and Amir
September 9, 2008
Yet another reason to scorn the illiterate.
Practical Legal Advice
If a jury finds someone guilty of prostitution, it's probably not a great idea for the judge to sentence him/her to community service.
I don't think old women should be allowed to drive What a minute. Did I just say, "old?"
John McCain's mom is so old she voted for Abraham Lincoln. Two weeks ago. She's also really senile. Even crazier: Lincoln won. I'm also senile.
Impossible to Answer "Guess Who?" Questions
-"Does your person have a family history of Diabetes?"
-"Is your person a virgin? If so, is your person Roger? Because Roger is
-"Is your person wearing sandals?"
My dad caught me smoking cigarettes in high school and made me smoke the whole pack to teach me a lesson. Later that year he caught my brother doing cocaine and that's how my little brother died of a cocaine overdose.
Interview with a Fruit-Picker
: What is required to be a fruit picker?
: No habla inglis.
: Oh wow, so you have to be bilingual, that is very interesting.
On her deathbed, my grandma asked just one thing of me: to make sure she was buried next to grandpa, which didn't leave me a whole lot of time to kill and bury him.
Do you think that in 20 years VH1 Classic will just show a bunch of
Hogan Knows Best
The term "the night is young" always makes me feel weird about having sex in it so often.
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