Ahh, pornography. The sound of it makes it seem interesting. Kind of like photography, oceanography and even origami.

Pornography has become a serious issue ever since the inception of the Internet. And of course, we have none other than Al Gore to thank for it. After all, he invented the Internet. This is surely ironic because his wife Tipper (which incidentally is what you do to a waitress, a valet worker, and a cow), was one of the advocates for censorship on certain mediums. Just another example of a wife cleaning up her husband's mistakes. I even think she's still counting votes in Florida.


Because as of right now, the Internet is not regulated. There have been talks about trying to get adult related sites off of public computers, but it will never happen because it's downright impossible. It's impossible because there are a bunch of adult sites going up every day, so paying someone to scour the net, looking for these sites would be a task that even Hugh Hefner wouldn't do. Of course, my friend Joe would.


Joe would do this job because it seems to me that every time he's on the Internet, he does one of two things. He checks his email, or he looks at porn. It's impossible not to, look at porn he tells me, which is why he ends up with email messages with the subject: Britney HARD CORE!!! And which is why I therefore end up with email messages with the subject: Britney HARD CORE!!!


A person could enter a vague, yet safe sounding word like ˜sugar' into a search engine, and more than likely he'll find Sugar, the exotic dancer from Las Vegas. This may be a good thing, if after all Sugar is missing and one of her friends is on a daytime talk show attempting to locate her. But if she's not missing, than a woman looking for the history of sugar may just find the resume of one, Sugar Johnson, for whom only $25.00 will get you a private dance on a leather couch in some darkened room designated for such activities. At least this is what I've heard. I don't really go to strip clubs, despite what you might hear from my friend Joe.


Another device that's trying to be implemented into public terminals is a filter, which filters adult words out, such as breast, penis, etc., so adult sites won't be accessible. But the problem here is entering a word like breast cancer would limit a person's research because breast is considered a naughty word, to a filter at least. And not to KFC.


Public Internet terminals are what people tend to be concerned about because they're usually found in schools and libraries. To me, it doesn't seem to be a problem, because so far I haven't heard of any reports of a grade school student holding his class hostage with an adult attachment or a dildo. Side note: The thing about dildos is they're shaped like nobody's penis. Some look like a cactus, others a cork screw. I even saw one that looked like a Swiss army knife. You were able to pull out a pair of scissors from it. It was amazing.


Of course, the individual to thank for all these public terminals is Bill Gates, who strives to have every person in the world be able to log onto the Internet and, you guessed it, look at pornography. Another side note: Maybe guns and ammo related searches should be filtered from public computers, with all the school shootings going on.


As for Joe, as he's on the Internet looking at porn, he finds himself downloading pictures like he's trying to get valuable information from a spy's hard drive. In the years Joe's been surfing the net, he has accumulated an enormous library of pornography pictures. In fact, he has so much porn on his computer, his desktop took top honors at the AVN awards. Joe was also named the best for being the king of the right click, save, a title in which he still holds today.


So what I believe should occur with all the pornography available on the Internet is, everybody who locates pictures that Joe does not have, please forward them to him. Therefore, he will be able to expand his library, just in case the government does take action on porn on the Internet. And don't worry, Joe will be sure to thank each and every one of you at next year's award ceremony. And I'll be sure to keep getting porn in my emails.

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For more information on Jason Tanamor, visit his magazine at: //zoiksmag.blogspot.com