Last Week On Prison Break: Team Convict nearly gets shut down by Special Agent Brooklyn for doing exactly what they were told to do, Mahone begins his plot of vengeance against Black Kellerman for killing his son with some help from Lincoln, T-Bag takes a job offer that doesn't involve rape or murder, and Michael finds out who to get the rest of Scylla from. And everyone manhandles Asian Computer Guy, which is pretty fantastic.


This Week On Prison Break:
Oh boy. This was easily the most entertaining episode of the season. Michael and Sara are enjoying a nice relaxing sit on the pier, while they wax romantic to each other and Michael makes the goofiest voice he has ever made by declaring "But your front yard IS the ocean!" He even does a little hand motion. It's weird. Luckily, super-serious Michael returns immediately as Team Convict tries to figure out who to target next based on Michael's blurry cell phone video. They figure out that a diplomat has one of the magical Scylla cards, and he'll be attending a policeman's ball-type thing that night. The cons do some snooping and find that – gasp! – it's a woman! Girls aren't allowed in super-secret conspiracies, right?


While the cons are out playing, Special Agent Brooklyn informs Sara that her old friend who looks sorta like Ron Paul is dead. Sara, naturally, blames herself, and goes to a bar to drink away her pains – and her AA points. Meanwhile, T-Bag is getting ready for his first day on the job by trying to spell his last name. Didn't T-Bag's dad make him memorize the entire dictionary when he was a kid? Is "Pfeiffer" really that hard for him to spell? Maybe he was too distracted by his glorious mustache.


The cons spy on Ms. Conspirator, who has just gotten out of a meeting with the creepy head conspirator, who told her to go to Laos to do some conspiratorial stuff. Should the cons, who are apparently the greatest enemies of The Company, really be sitting right outside the building where The Company operates? Well, no one notices them, so I guess it's okay. Until they notice someone: T-Bag, on the way to work. Linc and Michael chase after him in a pretty hilarious moment, because this is such pure Prison Break that I absolutely can't get enough. T-Bag just happened to wander by them?! I'll bite. They catch up to him and beat him up a little, but have to let him go, lest they all go back to jail.


T-Bag's job turns out to be a pretty sweet deal, and he finds that a lot of stuff seems to be corresponding to Whistler's bird book. "Hmmmm," wonders T-Bag. "What was Whistler's plan?" Well, Whistler's plan apparently involved trading Scylla to some Laosian guy, who gets stabbed when T-Bag does not show up to the meeting he was supposed to be at. Well, so much for the bird book. Season 3 = officially pointless.


Michael, Mahone, and Lincoln all play dress up and go as cops to the ball. They mull around a lot and waste some time, until Lincoln gets spotted by one of Ms. Conspirator's bodyguards, who saw his chrome-dome peering at them earlier. Linc sneaks off while Michael and Mahone try to figure out how to stand next to her card for a few minutes. Linc tells Sucre and Bellick that he's been spotted. The bodyguard catches up to him, though, and puts a gun to his head. He's about to shoot when Bellick steps in and shanks the guy! Then Linc adds a few stab wounds, just in case. Then he realizes this may cause a scene. Way to think things through, Linc!


He calls Michael and tells him the situation while Bellick freaks out. Michael has Mahone lead the other bodyguard to the body, so Michael can stand next to Ms. Conspirator and get her card. He does so, and the card uploads successfully. And she completely doesn't recognize Michael or Mahone. Two of The Company's greatest enemies. Did no one tell her? Remember: Communication is key in an evil conspiracy. They all manage to get away, and now 2 out of 6 cards have been copied.


But some sleaze at Sara's bar stole her elderly pal's credit card and swiped it, so now Black Kellerman can take a break from torturing Gretchen and find Team Convict. That'll teach Sara and Michael to have another lovey-dovey conversation where they make promises and declarations of love to one another. Don't they know that doing that is the first sign of doom in any hourlong dramatic series?!


Highlights:


-Even Bellick won't show Asian Computer Guy any love


-Seriously, NO ONE recognizes any of the cons in broad daylight?! They were the
most wanted men in the country for months! Their faces were plastered on TV
24/7! And the fact that Ms. Conspirator and the entire LAPD failed to recognize
them…wow.


-That drawing of Black Kellerman was ridiculous. It looked like a cartoon caricature he got from Six Flags.


-T-Bag's boobtastic new secretary. I have a bad feeling about her.


-Michael's goofy voice! What the hell was that?!


-Those nosebleeds. Michael really needs to stop picking his nose.


-I got a feeling that "watching the loading bar fill up gradually" will be the new term for "suspense" this season. About 4 more times, at least.