I've had enough of the '-gates,' i.e., Troopergate,Watergate, Pearlygates, etc. That's why in this time of political contention and maneuvering, I think we need to put down the sabres for a bit and humanize the candidates. Here's an old fashioned human interest story illustrating the humdrum shared by two individuals who may be the future leaders of this country.


John McCain has a huge cock. In reference to Mr. McCain's breeding of competition grade poultry, one campaign aide commented, "it's the fattest cock I've ever seen, I can't wait to have it my mouth!"

These days, stories about McCain's cock precede the man, says another aide: "A couple of weeks ago, Sarah Palin's pussy was all over it!"

It seems that Mrs. Palin's pussy (she has always been a cat lover) has a hard time staying away from cock, salivating and emitting a musky odor in its presence, proving challenging for staffers on the ticket to keep them separated. "My pussy – I call her 'Bush Junior' – could swallow his cock whole – its no secret that she loves cocks."

Mr. McCain frequently professes fondness for his so dubbed 'Little Dick Cheney' and concern for Palin's Bush: "There isn't a night that goes by without me stroking Little Dick. I'd also Like to address the concerns of a few animal rights groups that Sarah Palin has mistreated the pussy. Yes, it's true that she shaved her Bush, but it was the kindest thing to do – the poor thing smelled like tuna and was infested with parasites."

When asked what the future holds for his cock, McCain replied, "I'm going to have him dressed and prepared for a big sit down dinner after we win the election. I think everyone will love the taste of my Little Dick."