Happy belated birthday, Amy Winehouse! The notorious trainwreck skipped her own birthday party this week because, wait for it, she felt ugly. Apparently someone got her baby's first mirror as a 25th birthday present. (DListed)

Let's start the show!

All sorts of girls are getting slutty in Hollywood this week. First, Aubrey O'Day talked masturbation habits to Complex Magazine, and then while out and about Mischa Barton let her nip slip not once, but twice. Why every man in the world has not moved to Hollywood by now is beyond me. (Egotastic, Hollywood Tuna)

And on full boner patrol this week was the one and only Megan Fox. In GQ magazine this week, she talks about a lesbian relationship she once had with a stripper, and why it's perfectly acceptable to grab her boyfriend's crotch in public. Somewhere a bunch of scientists are congratulating themselves for successfully creating the perfect woman robot. (Egotastic, IDLYITW)

This week Rumer Willis revealed that she had a crush on teen heartthrob Ashton Kutcher around the time he started dating her mom, Demi Moore. Which isn't weird at all. What IS weird is that she also had a crush on Bruce Willis. (CelebSlam)

Britney Spears hosted a birthday party for her sons this week at a friend's mansion. K. Fed was not in attendance, as he was busy trying to convince a poker dealer to let him bet 'two small children' on the next hand. What I want to know is, who the hell took these pictures? I'm pretty sure this guy. (WWTDD)

Kate Hudson gave paparazzi a field day this week when she got wasted at a party and could barely walk to her car. Man have I been there, sister. Except instead of Grey Goose I was drinking Popov and instead of being driven home to a mansion I passed out in my own yard. College!!!1 (WWTDD)

Lindsay Lohan punched a paparazzi this week, after thinking he had accidentally tripped her. A bit of an disproportionate reaction, don't you think? Later that day she murdered a guy for brushing up against her in a crowded elevator. (IDLYITW)

Also in Lindsay news this week, presidental hopeful Barack Obama told the starlet 'thanks but no thanks' after she offered to host several events on his behalf. I for one am shocked that he doesn't want to be endorsed by a 23-year-old recovering alcoholic and sometimes-lesbian with an ex-convict father and reality TV whore mother. what a lame-o. (CelebSlam)

Jennifer Lopez finished a triathalon this week, and would not shut up about how amazing she was for doing so. Not quite as amazing as Matthew McConaughey, so completed the same race an hour faster, or the crippled people who beat her to the finish line, or the trainer who kept her from drowning, but still, pretty amazing. (IDLYITW, WWTDD, CelebSlam)

After the airing of just two commercials, Microsoft has decided to dump Jerry Seinfeld from their Vista ads. But it's okay, they only paid him $10 million dollars, so it's not like they're losing any money. Sidenote: is anybody looking to hire a recently unemployed Advertising Director? (WWTDD)

Brad Pitt announced this week that he would donate $100,000 towards the fight for gay marriage. Which seems like a lot to you and me, but come on. That's like Brad Pitt's version of the twenty you put in your jacket pocket at the beginning of spring and forgot about until next spring. (DListed)

This week's 'Still Got It' was another close race, but instead of give it to permanent honoree Hollywood Cat Lady, I decided to honor dark house Celine Dion. Congratulations, Celine! Those grandma jowls mean you Still Got It. (DListed, CelebSlam)