Ethan: FIRE MILLEN! Sorry, force of habit.
Ethan: I wonder if he's dusting off the old resume to get a new job. "Ah, I see St. Louis sucks maybe they could use a new mastermind like me. Charles Rogers, start packing my bags!" On to people with jobs: who's your biggest surprise at 3-0?
Amir: Gotta be Buffalo. They're officially the AFC East favorites. Though eeking out a win at home against Oakland isn't too convincing. I think the biggest surprise is Baltimore being 2-0. I would have totally thought they would have played three games by now.
Ethan: I'm going with a Kerry Collins led Tennessee team, although their schedule's been soft and is about to get brutal. They've got Minnesota, then at Baltimore, and they still have two with Indy, a Chicago, Pitt, the Jets, and the Packers left. Plus, they play on Thanksgiving, and I can't trust LenDale to pay attention to the game when there's that much food at hand.
Amir: Madden: "Come back with my Turducken!"
Ethan:Who's worse: Chiefs or Rams? Congrats, Chase Daniel, you're leading the best football team in Missouri.
Amir: It has to be the Rams. They've been outscored 29 to 116 this season! Though I like their strategy of trying to start Trent Green again. I guess they're hoping 1999 repeats itself and they're just one season-ending injury away from finding a new Kurt Warner!
Ethan: I think putting a guy with a concussion problem behind the Rams' o-line is borderline negligent. What are the Rams trying to do, put the kids of Trent Green's neurologist through college? Who's your favorite unattractive-but-effective QB this year: Cutler or Rodgers?
Amir: Drew Brees. What's your favorite ineffective-but-hilarious QB name this year: Tyler Thigpen or J.T. O'Sullivan?
Ethan: Are you kidding? O'Sullivan's been pretty good. Sure, two of his games were against Seattle and Detroit, but his QB rating's 104, and his team's 2-1. Alex Smith is eating his heart out. Or he would be if he could hold it in his tiny little hands. What bad team is primed to come back and make the playoffs?
Amir: I don't know if they're bad, but I still think New Orleans, at 1-2, is the favorite to win the NFC south. Colts and Jaguars, also both under .500 are going to catch up to the Titans eventually. I'm just worried about how Vince Young will react when that happens
Ethan: I like the Seahawks. As bad as they've been, they're only one game back. Once guys get healthy, they could be dangerous. Break out the Welch's sparkling grape juice, Koren Robinson's ready to celebrate another division title! Is there anything funnier than seeing Phil Fulmer mad?
Amir: Seeing Bruce Pearl happy?
Ethan: Possibly. But Phil Fulmer throwing his hat in disgust is terrific. Get excited for more of that this weekend, Auburn fans! Since the SEC is awesome, let's talk about it. Who do you like coming out of it?
Amir: I really like Florida. I think they're the best non-USC team in the nation. Their offense is impressive and their defense is stout. Plus they have the greatest position in college football: short track star trying to become running back in Jeff Demps.
Amir: Roll tide! Georgia will win, but I still like saying Roll tide!
Ethan: The highlight of my weekend was seeing Wake beat Florida State. How the mighty have fallen! (Note: "the mighty" is what Bobby Bowden calls his chins.)
Amir: That game was a barn burner! And if you like penalties more than offense, it was probably the matchup of the year.
Ethan: On to baseball: are the Brewers just going to start pitching Sabathia on zero days of rest in their grab for the wild card? "Wow, great complete game, CC. Now get back out there; you're pitching the second game of this double-header, too."
Amir: "Satchel Paige threw three no-hitters in the same afternoon!" Just put a trail of sprinkles that lead up to the mound and trick his ass.
Ethan: They've been doing that with Bartolo Colon for years. His Cy Young trophy was actually just a wad of slightly melted Hershey bars. Who are you picking to win the AL Central?
Amir: Chicago. Unfortunately for Twins fans, payroll is a tiebreaker this year.
Ethan: Yeah, but if the Twins get to Buerhle tonight, they might not need it. I just want to see Minnesota's anonymous rotation in the playoffs on national TV. Even Nick Blackburn's mom will say, "Hey, Nick's on TV! I think er I don't really know what the Twins' starters look like."