The Emmys happened! Oh, you didn't watch? Neither did anyone else. Last year Ryan Seacrest bombed on his own. So this year they got five totally unfunny non-celebrities to host and, guess what: the show was five times crappier. Math is silly.
At least there were still chicks in low-cut dresses there. (Egotastic)

Here's some shocking news: Clay Aiken is gay. Can you believe it? That pasty, song-boy ginger is a homosexual! What's the word I'm looking for? Oh, right: duh! (DListed)

Was that news too gay and obvious for you? Well what about this: Lindsay Lohan kind of sort of officially came out of the closet on a radio show. That's right. THE Lindsay Lohan, the one who has been seen about town buying groceries, eating brunch, and doing other gay stuff with Sam Ronson, is a lesbian. The only piece of information I found surprising in this whole story is that Samantha Ronson is 31. She doesn't look a day past puberty. (WWTDD)

Jamie Lynn Spears, on the other hand, really is just a kid, but she made herself look old the traditional way: teenage pregnancy. Some poor Wal-Mart employee seems to have forgotten that old Jamie Lynn is a minor and snapped some sweet breast feeding pics. I can't link to them here because, whoops, they are technically child pornography. (Egotastic)

Here's some nakedness you are legally allowed to see. You just probably don't want to. (WWTDD)

Now that you've seen that, do you want to hear something gross as well? Jenna Jameson is having twins. That's two porno babies! At least those kids will have someone with whom they can share the utter embarrassment that middle school will inevitably be. (IDLYITW)

In case you were starting to doubt the existence of hot, straight girls, let me tell you where they've been hiding: stupid, chick shows. Gentlemen, meet Blake Lively. She swapped her traveling pants for a cleavage-baring dress and now you might actually give a crap who she is. (HollywoodTuna)

And now for some dude newsÂ…

David Blaine performed a death defying stunt. Except, um, it was a lame stunt and he fucked up. (DListed)

Travis Barker and DJ AM, however, literally defied death when they escaped as the only survivors from a plane crash. They both experience serious burns, but are expected to be ok. It seems inappropriate to make a joke about that, so I'll just say this: Travis Barker's tattoos are going to be for reals messed up. (IDLYITW)

That brings us to today's Still Got It: Nick Hogan. He turned his friend into a vegetable while doing something dumb, but he's getting out of jail after just 5 months. If that's not success, I don't know what is. (Celebslam)