In these troubling times, it's often diffictult to know just how we should respond. We often feel helpless and out of control as bank CEO's and Wall Street jockeys make decisions that affect us all. Here are a few helpful suggestions that can bring your destiny back into your own hands and maybe even take this great nation one step closer to financial stability.
1.) Contact your Representative!
Did you know that members of Congress always love hearing from their constituents? Your input is immeasurably valuable to him or her and can actually help influence major legislation! The finance industry is very complex and has a great impact on the world economy. Your Congressperson probably doesn't understand the intricacies of "mark to market financing" or "mortgage-backed securities" like you do and they need your help. Many of these Washington bureaucrats have little real-world experience and are fairly out of touch with how truly dire the situation is. So, how can you fix this? Be sure to send multiple letters and repeated phone calls warning that, "the end is near!" or that, "your days are numbered!" You can also pepper the "conversation" with phrases like, "wake up!", "God's holy wrath," and "Whore of Babylon." This country needs people like you to rescue her and usher in the next era of greatness.
2.) Liquefy your assets!
Go as soon as humanly possible to whichever financial institution you keep your money in and remove it! Your bank's mismanagement of funds is what got the country into this mess to begin with. After your cash is safely in your sweaty hands, sell all non-essential items in your possession; items such as jewelry, second cars, kidneys (one per person), and the elderly. It is a little known fact that the more liquidity present in a given market, the more healthy that market will be. By liquefying your investments and savings, you will be adding a much needed amount of flexibility to a future economy that will have to deal with violent and imaginary fluctuations.
3.) Invest in a large tract of farmland!
Real estate has always been one of the safest and most reliable investments available to the average person. The only way to make such an investment even more profitable is to invest in real estate that can actually pay large dividends as well as grow in value over time. Additionally, there is no better feeling than knowing your home is your own and the only way someone can ever take it away from you is to pry it from your cold, dead hands. Massive underground tunnels and caves will only add to the overall value and feelings of security. Your newly liquefied cash should be enough to cover such a purchase, but if you are having trouble coming up with the funds, consider joining together with like-minded friends and family. It is essential to thoroughly vet these potential allies; make sure they will never betray you the way you have been betrayed so many times before, even though you are always so careful and never put yourself into a situation that could damage you. For further help with obtaining land, see the following tip.
4.) Stockpile weapons!
Bearing arms is a God-given right, which has lost much of its original meaning and strength in today's society. Possessing firearms is a reasonable and necessary aspect of handling the daily stresses and dangers of life. Who knows when trouble and hardship will coming knocking on your door; holding some meaningless piece of paper issued by a state court, asking to look in the tunnels under your house. Will you be ready? Who will protect your children when the aliens take you away (again) and perform those horrible, horrible tests? Your children must be able to defend themselves and only you can make that a reality. It is never a bad idea to let your children familiarize themselves with your weapons, unsupervised, while you continue tunnel digging. Your rights as a human being have been trampled and no one is doing anything about it. Now is the time to rise up and take back your freedom!