-College life is just like one big game of beer pong. You sink some, you miss some, sometimes you're on a hot streak, and sometimes you just suck. But if you ever, ever, even think about bouncing, I'll kick you outta my house dude!

-Oh my God! College?! I love college! It's like all about friendship and unity! I would like totally die for any of my sisters! (except for those sluts in XG—-they're Xtra Gross!!)

-College is the one place where I don't have to feel weird because I'm different. I don't have to feel like an outcast if I don't eat anything that was once a living animal, or a was living thing, or ever came in contact with a living thing, or ever shared an environment with a living thing. Yes, I realize my skirt is made of barley, but it's soy barley. Where'd you get those jeans, huh? How many pigs did you slaughter to make those Levi's? Bloodthirsty carnivore.

-Look guys, college is all about rules. If we don't follow rules then there can be no fun. College isn't about "drinking" or "enjoying yourself" or "socializing with peers in a comfortable setting." College is about living in the dorms your junior and senior years to make sure other students understand the importance of mandatory ice-breaker games and wacky-wild bingo on Friday nights.

-College is a transcendent avenue of self expression where one can cast off the shackles of a respressive and despotic society determined to forge you into a mindless conformist.

-COLLEGE!!!! WUUUU!!!!

-Check this out Bro—-College is the shit. I mean, have you seen the women here Brah? They're ridic. Boozin' face, mackin ho's, parties, women, beer, girls…what more could you want Broseph? Oh, and if your lookin to score some coke, I got your back Broham.

-Metallica went to college. Did you know that? So did this other band called the "is". They're a little underground, I wouldn't expect you to know them. I downloaded their 1 song yesterday and it's been on repeat on my iPod for the last 6 days. I've been growing this killer beard for their concert taking place in their basement next week. You're not invited.

-College is about being all that you can be. When I came to college I thought to myself, can I be all I can be in some whimpy frat? If I worked at the DVD store, would that be me being all that I can be? When I'm over in Afghanistan staring Osama in his face, and I wasn't all that I could be, he'd realize it, and kill me. In conclusion, I plan on wasting my parents' money on a college education.

-College? I don't have time to talk about college. I have an exam in 7 weeks and a semester. Look, everybody here just thinks they can skate by with "93's" on their tests. They're a joke. It's a proven fact that if you spend the time to eat 3 meals a day during college, you will flunk out and your parents will laugh at you.

-If college was around in Jesus' time, I'm positive He would hand out miniature bibles and pamplets about himself. He wouldn't care if you were in a hurry to get to class, He'd still stop you and ask about how He affected your life in a positive way. And when you say it annoyed you that you had to capitalize the H in His name, He'd get angry at you but forgive you right away for your awful, satan-like, blasphemous ways.

-College is sooo much fun! The guys here are unbelievable! They're so gentlemanly! They pull up my underwear everytime they fall down, they always drive me to Planned Parenthood in the morning, and they usually split the cost of the Plan C pill they get off their dealers (plan B is too expensive!!) Some people might think taking care of 3 kids in college is tough, but I don't know what they're talking about. I mean how hard is it to lock your kids in your dorm room all day? But whatevs, I'm totally off to a party, I think the theme is "magic pill in your drink" or something. Can't wait!

-College is awesome. Here's some advice for kids coming here. This is what you need to pack for college: 2 wife beaters (one black, one white). 30 lb. dumbells to work out with when you're not at the gym. Unicef relief-size Kreatin protein powder. 1 hoodie you got from the high schol sport you played, which you no longer do (add blood stains for effect). Waterproof dumbells to work out in the shower. A full length mirror for your shower. That's it. Oh, and don't forget your hair gel.

-Um, I like college. Its, uh, it's OK, I guess. Maybe, I might just, um, change some of the people who screa…
-TELL THE PUSSY ABOVE ME TO SHUT UP! COLLEGE!! WUUUU!