This will be the first instructional manuscript from a single man devoid of offspring on raising children.
Oh those pesky litter whippersnappers! Everybody loves kids! EVERYBODY! Even child murderers and such. Seriously they just love too much is what it is, and they don't know how to get that love back- and that hurts. So in the interest of children and parents everywhere, I am going to bridge the gap and try to lower the rate of child murders by preaching understanding. See, at this point, I'm more of a child then a man, so I will be the liaison here. I will be your inside man-child on how to get through to those little bald monkeys. First off, you must understand that kids don't want to listen to you, they just don't! There is only one person that kids will listen and that is themselves. Don't think of this as an obstacle though; think of this as an opportunity. As soon as your child is of reading age, start writing him/her notes. Notes from himself in the future! Let's say you have a 5 year old boy named Joe who doesn't like to clean his room. Something like this will go a long way:
Its me! You from the future! I am you and I am 24 years old! I found a way to write you notes and send them into the past! Everything is good here. Life is great in the future! I'll write again but I have to go for now. It's really important though that you clean your room. The fate of the world rests on this. We'll talk again soon.
As long as you get started on the notes early, they will grow older and never doubt this reality. You can always add a "you can't tell anyone" clause or a "if you want to write back with questions, leave a note under your bed and I will look at it here in the future." By the time you have to tell them the truth, they will be mature enough to know that this manipulation was for their own good.
Until Next Time!